We all want to know the best questions to ask before you get married.
Everyone wants to decide, and not slide into marriage.
The Science of Relationships Blog is staffed by some of the best relationship researchers publishing today. I came across an incredible list of 15 questions to ask before you get married (or go into couples therapy for that matter).
I am a huge fan of their work and I encourage all of my readers to follow them as well.
What I love about these questions is that, for the curious, each question has a link to the specific research which informs the question.
Because of the links to the relevant research, these 15 questions to ask before you get married are powerful science-based questions.
I also think these are important questions for couples to ask at any point in their relationship.
These questions get to the very heart of what science tells us are the most important factors in relationship success.
These 15 questions could also be questions to ask before you consider any change in your relationship. These questions can encourage deep and powerful conversations that can offer clarity and confidence to the decisions you will make about your life-partner.
These are important questions. Consider each question and answer truthfully with a simple yes or no response:
This isn’t one of those relational quizzes that asks you to tally up your answers. These questions are more like a reconnaissance drone 10,000 feet in the air above your intimacy, looking down on all the high and low points. Go with your gut.
The best answer for each one of these 15 questions to ask before you get married is a quick, certain and solid “yes.”
You may not like a few of these questions. But science likes them. That’s also why there are 15 questions.
The more questions, the better.
More questions offer greater accuracy. These questions work together to describe an overview of essential interlocking areas of how great marriages roll.
Relationships are complicated. Instead of tallying, have a Generative Conversation with your partner about the questions that seem to be leaning more toward “no” than “yes.”
It will be interesting and educational for you both to compare your answers to these 15 questions before you get married…or go into couples therapy.
That’s why the Big Big Book is such an important part of an assessment.
We ask really good questions too. Questions are the answer. Go deep and go long. Who you spend your life with matters.
“Always the beautiful answer who asks a more beautiful question.” E.E. Cummings.
Daniel is a Marriage and Family Therapist. He currently sees couples at Couples Therapy Inc. in Boston, Massachusetts, three seasons in Cummington (at the foothills of the Berkshires...) and in Miami during joint retreats with his wife, Dr. Kathy McMahon. He uses EFT, Gottman Method, Solution-focused and the Developmental Model in his approaches.