Attachment & Insight
A modern journal for couples who want more than silence and civility.
A Comprehensive Guide to Couples Therapy
Relationships are a beautiful yet complex aspect of life, and even the strongest couples face challenges. When communication breaks down, trust is broken, or external stressors take their toll, couples…Introduction to Attachment-Based Couples Therapy and Secure Attachment
In this post, we’ll take a closer look at the Secure-Secure attachment combination, which is the most common attachment style seen in attachment-based couples therapy. We’ll discuss the key characteristics…
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When One of You Is a Therapist: What Couples Therapy Looks Like from the Inside
A few years ago, I worked with a woman I’ll call Sarah. She was a counselor herself — smart, articulate, doing meaningful work with her own clients — and she came to me following the…
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Therapists as Clients: We Are Human Too
There’s a thing that happens in our training, somewhere between the first practicum and the first real caseload, where we quietly begin to believe that the knowledge is protective. That if we understand attachment theory…
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You’re Aiming at the Wrong Marriage: When Effort Isn’t the Problem
We are good at noticing when one or both partners fail for lack of effort. They weren’t persistent enough. They weren’t courageous enough. They didn’t follow through on the plans they made. But what if…
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“What Was Your Favorite Movie as a Child?” — The Question That Ended a Marriage
They were walking upstairs together. It was an ordinary evening — nothing special, nothing tense. She turned to him and asked a simple question: “What was your favorite movie as a child?” He stopped. Looked…
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When Communication Tools Aren’t Enough
Co-authored by Drs. Kathy McMahon and Doug Burford Most couples enter therapy hoping that better communication will solve their problems. And often it does. Learning to listen without defending, to express needs without attacking, to…
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Five Stages of Couples Therapy for Infertility: Navigating the Journey Together
When Baby Plans Meet Medical Reality While the transition to parenthood presents its own marital challenges, research shows that infertility creates particularly intense relationship stress. Couples facing infertility often deal with communication breakdowns, difficult decision-making…
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Gottman’s Pioneering Work in Science-Based Couples Therapy
Introduction: Couples therapy has undergone a remarkable transformation in recent years, thanks in large part to the groundbreaking work of Dr. John Gottman. In this post, we will explore how Gottman’s scientific approach revolutionized the…
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Dealing With the Stress of Relocation on a Marriage
When married couples relocate, they face unique challenges that can deeply affect their relationship. Recent studies show that about 40% of people who move for work are married. This highlights how common this experience is…
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This Negotiation Every Couple Should Be Able to Do
The Problem My husband travels a lot for work. We have 2 young kids and I work part time. It’s a lot to manage on my own! I countdown the days until he comes back…
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The Toxic Tango: Attachment Between Insecure Partners
When insecure attachment styles collide, relationships can become a battleground of unmet needs and emotional turmoil. Let’s dive deeper into the challenges faced by couples with mismatched attachment styles. In my last post, I discussed common…
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The Science of Unwanted, Invasive Thoughts: Research-Backed Strategies for Mental Peace
We’ve all experienced it: that one thought you desperately want to evict from your mind but keeps showing up uninvited. Maybe it’s a worry about the future, a past mistake that haunts you, or a…
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How Does Childhood Trauma Affect Relationships? A Love Story.
In the quiet space of my therapy office, I often witness the profound impact of childhood experiences on adult relationships. The story of David and Iman exemplifies a journey I’ve seen countless times—where love, despite…
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Portrait of a Marriage – Wounds that Won’t Heal
Individual problems in marriage counseling In relationships, sometimes the way a couple relates is the problem, and the therapist’s job is to help the couple modify their interactional styles (i.e., teaching them how to “communicate…
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Neurodivergent Couples: One Heart and Mind
Introduction When Joy first walked into my couples therapy office, she was fidgeting with her phone case, her words tumbling out in a rush of frustration. Peter, her husband of three years, sat quietly beside…
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Money: Can It Buy Happiness?
It’s a common saying that money can’t buy happiness. But what if that conventional wisdom is wrong? Research suggests strategically using money to free up time by outsourcing dreaded tasks can increase happiness and well-being….
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Mixed Orientation Marriage: When Your Husband’s Affair Partner is a Man
She found the messages by accident. It started with a calendar reminder that didn’t make sense—a date night on a Wednesday afternoon, marked with just a single first name. She dismissed it. But then came…
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Millionaires Stay Married
A Good Marriage Is Worth a Fortune Not just in dollars. But in direction. In stability. In sanity. If you: …you’re more likely to build lasting wealth. And I don’t just mean financial wealth. I…
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Male “Friends?” Can You Stay Close to a Single Friend of the Opposite Sex After You’re Married?
Let’s start with the real question behind the polite one: “I’m married. He’s not. We connect. Is this wrong?” It’s a question I hear often—especially from women. You value this friendship. Maybe it’s energizing. Maybe…
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Fighting in the Car
Picture this: You’re driving with your spouse in the passenger seat. A heated argument erupts, turning your peaceful drive into a battleground on wheels. Sound familiar? You’re not alone. Research shows that car fights are…
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Introduction to Attachment-Based Couples Therapy and Secure Attachment
In this post, we’ll take a closer look at the Secure-Secure attachment combination, which is the most common attachment style seen in attachment-based couples therapy. We’ll discuss the key characteristics and dynamics of this combination…
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Healing Relationships Impacted by Compulsive Sexual Behavior: The Power of a Couples Therapy Intensive
As a licensed sex therapist and couples therapist, I have worked with many couples whose relationships have been devastated by compulsive sexual behavior. Also known as hypersexuality or sex addiction, compulsive sexual behavior is characterized…
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When Supermom Starts to Crack:
A Hidden Crisis in Couples TherapyShe remembers the dentist appointments. She knows which child hates mushrooms. She tracks the school calendar, answers the emails, reorders the toilet paper, and still manages to smile politely when her partner asks, “Why are…
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Are We Responsible for Others’ Feelings? Are They Responsible for Our’s?
“I’m not responsible for your feelings” has become a popular mantra. And it has its place. What exactly is that place? 🔴 MY RESPONSIBILITY: I am responsible for my interpretation of others’ words, facial expressions,…
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13 Best Things to Do When You’ve Just Discovered Their Affair
You’ve just discovered their affair Discovering your partner’s infidelity can shatter your world in an instant. The flood of emotions—shock, betrayal, anger, and profound grief—can be overwhelming. During this critical time, the actions you take…
