What Psychology Research Says About Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Love

Does it sometimes feel like anxiety is the unwelcome third wheel in your relationship? You’re not alone. Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) is one of the most common mental health issues impacting couples today, affecting 4-7% of U.S. adults. [1] But how exactly does GAD wreak havoc on romantic partnerships and what can you do about it?

GAD sufferers tend to get trapped in a self-perpetuating loop when it comes to love: [2]

  • Anxiety makes them hyperfocused on the relationship
  • This leads to distorted perceptions and unwarranted doubts about their partner
  • Which spikes anxiety further and strains the relationship
  • Confirming their worst fears and fueling even more anxiety

In other words, relationship worries take a toll on the relationship itself, making the anxiety even harder to overcome. Studies show GAD leads to specific problematic behaviors between partners: [3]

  • Being overly critical or passive aggressive
  • Feeling constantly slighted or mistrustful
  • Struggling to be fully present and attentive
  • Engaging in anxiety-driven avoidance

Sarah’s Struggles

Sarah, a 35-year-old marketing manager, has been married to her husband Mark, 37, for 10 years. They have two children together – Emily, 7, and Jake, 4. Over the past year, Sarah has been struggling with increasingly severe generalized anxiety disorder (GAD).

Sarah’s anxiety manifests in constant worrying and rumination. She lies awake at night thinking about work deadlines, the kids’ school performance, the family’s financial stability, and the state of her marriage. Her mind jumps from one worst-case scenario to the next, leaving her emotionally drained and irritable during the day.

This chronic anxiety is taking a toll on her relationship with Mark. Sarah finds herself snapping at him over minor things, like forgetting to pick up milk or leaving dishes in the sink. She feels guilty but struggles to control her reactions. Mark, in turn, has become increasingly withdrawn and avoidant, not wanting to risk triggering Sarah’s anxiety or anger.

Their once easy, affectionate banter has been replaced by tense silences and walking on eggshells. Date nights and intimate moments are rare now, as Sarah is often too anxious and preoccupied to relax and connect. When Mark tries to express his concerns or suggest ways to help, Sarah becomes defensive, interpreting it as criticism and proof that she’s failing as a wife and mother.

Sound familiar? Over time, this chronic state of tension can drive a wedge between partners. Research has found a significant link between anxiety disorders and lower marital satisfaction. [1]

GAD and Relationships: A Two-Way Street

But it’s not just the anxiety alone causing issues. An unhappy relationship can also make GAD symptoms worse. Researchers have found:

  • Married GAD patients with higher marital satisfaction respond better to treatment [4]
  • Spouses in distressed marriages are 2.5x more likely to have anxiety disorder [5]
  • 40-88% of partners change their routines to accommodate their spouse’s anxiety, which breeds resentment and worsens the relationship [6]

In short, generalized anxiety and relationship problems fuel each other in a mutually reinforcing cycle. The anxiety strains the marriage, the troubled marriage heightens the anxiety, and round and round it goes.

Sarah and Her Parenting

This strain is compounded by disagreements over parenting. Sarah’s anxiety leads her to be overprotective of the kids, fretting over every sniffle and scrape. She insists on driving Emily to school, fearful of letting her take the bus. Mark worries that Sarah’s anxiety is rubbing off on the children and wants to give them more freedom and independence. But when he brings this up, Sarah accuses him of not caring about the kids’ safety.

Underneath the surface tension, both Sarah and Mark deeply love and care for each other. They want to be a strong parenting team and keep their family happy and secure. But Sarah’s untreated anxiety, and the unhealthy communication patterns it has created, make it feel like they’re drifting further apart each day.

Breaking Free: 4 Tips for Overcoming Relationship Anxiety

So how do you short-circuit this vicious cycle? Here are some expert-backed strategies:

  1. Practice mindfulness. Train yourself to focus on the present moment instead of getting hijacked by anxious thoughts. Notice your anxiety without judgment and consciously redirect attention to your partner. [7]
  2. Slow down your reactions. Anxiety distorts your perceptions, so take time to really hear your partner out before responding. Ask questions to make sure you understand them accurately.
  3. Express gratitude often. Look for small daily actions to appreciate about your partner. Giving thanks can help counterbalance the negativity anxiety causes you to fixate on. [8]
  4. Take responsibility for your role. Ask yourself what kind of partner you want to be and take concrete steps in that direction, even if anxiety makes it difficult. You are in charge of managing your anxiety.

While these tactics can help, research shows that couples therapy is often the most effective first-line treatment for GAD in relationships.[9] Learning better communication skills as a team under the guidance of a professional can reduce stress and lay the foundation for individual anxiety treatment.

Issues Come to a Head with Sarah and Mark

After a particularly heated argument, where harsh words were exchanged on both sides, Mark and Sarah agree that something has to change. They decide to seek couples counseling to work on communication and conflict resolution skills. Sarah also starts individual therapy and medication for her anxiety.

Slowly but surely, with commitment and professional support, things start to improve. Sarah develops mindfulness techniques to short-circuit her worried thoughts and learns to express her needs more directly. Mark practices active listening and validates Sarah’s feelings while still respectfully sharing his own. They prioritize time for just the two of them and rediscover the playful spark that drew them together.

As Sarah’s anxiety becomes more manageable, the whole family dynamic shifts in a positive direction. Emily and Jake sense the lighter atmosphere at home and become more relaxed and open. Mark and Sarah know there will still be ups and downs, but they feel equipped to weather them as a united front.

The road to overcoming anxiety and rebuilding their relationship is long, but each small step forward fills them with hope and reminds them of the love that binds their family together. They know the effort is more than worth it.

The Bottom Line

Anxiety doesn’t have to be a third wheel in your relationship. By understanding how GAD and relationship problems interplay, and implementing research-backed strategies to disrupt the cycle, you and your partner can overcome anxiety together and emerge stronger than before.

References

  1. Whisman, M.A. (1999) Marital dissatisfaction and psychiatric disorders: Results from the National Comorbidity Survey. Journal of Abnormal Psychology 108 (4), 701-706.
  2. Zaider, T. (2010). Anxiety disorders and intimate relationships. Journal of Abnormal Psychology 119(1):163-73
  3. Beck, A.T. & Emery, G. (1985). Anxiety disorders and phobias: A cognitive perspective. Basic Books.
  4. Daiuto, A.D., Baucom, D.H., Epstein, N. & Dutton, S.S. (1998). The application of behavioral couples therapy to the assessment and treatment of agoraphobia: Implications of empirical research. Clinical Psychology Review, 18(6), 663-687.
  5. Whisman, M.A. & Uebelacker, L.A. (2003) Comorbidity of relationship distress and mental and physical health problems. In D. K. Snyder & M. A. Whisman (Eds.), Treating difficult couples: Helping clients with coexisting mental and relationship disorders (pp. 3–26). New York: Guilford Press.
  6. Zaider, T. (2010). Anxiety disorders and intimate relationships. Journal of Abnormal Psychology 119(1):163-73
  7. Orsillo, S.M. & Roemer, L. (2011). The mindful way through anxiety: Break free from chronic worry and reclaim your life. New York: Guilford Press.
  8. Barlow, D.H., Ellard, K.K., Sauer-Zavala, S., Bullis, J.R., & Carl, J.R. (2014). The origins of neuroticism. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 9(5), 481–496.
  9. Baucom, D.A., Shoham, V., Mueser, K.T., Daiuto, A.D., & Stickle, T.R. (1998). Empirically supported couple and family interventions for marital distress and adult mental health problems. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 66(1), 53–88.