Couples Therapy Inc. is one of the largest couples therapy practices of its kind. Our practice is international, and we speak 9 languages. We have worked with hundreds of couples from all over the world. At the risk of sounding arrogant, our team of over 30 therapists has well over 5 centuries of experience conducting science-based couples therapy.
The purpose of this blog post is to help our growing client population build couples therapy momentum and achieve steady progress after their Couples Therapy Intensive.
Sustaining momentum after your retreat is all about consolidating your gains by laying down new interactive patterns. The effectiveness of your Intensive experience often hinges on implementing specific concrete behavioral changes that you co-created during your Couples Therapy Intensive as committed intimate partners.
Couples therapy momentum also depends on your willingness to actively engage in these new ways of thinking and experiencing, and applying the tools and skills that you acquired during your intensive experience. However, your individual and collective ability and willingness to tolerate some initial discomfort will be a key factor in your success.
Achieving couples therapy momentum is the reason you came to us in the first place. We have a fancy word about what gets in the way. That word is homeostasis.
Homeostasis is the tendency for a system to seek a balanced equilibrium.
In other words, if you want to be different, your biggest obstacle will be your natural inclination to, at first, resist changing, thus contradicting and confounding your best intentions.
I tell my couples on the last day of my intensives when you get home…you will tend to slip into old patterns. Expect it. It’s normal.
But the minute one of you says “we’re doin’ it again,” and your partner agrees, you have just frustrated your natural tendency towards homeostasis!
For many couples, slowing down and starting over can be tough at first. You must repair, repair, and repair. But then it gets easier. Here are some important ideas to build couples therapy momentum once you get home.
Authentic praise is magic. Praise heals. Praise goes deep into the brain. Praise persuades and motivates.
Yeah, it’s not the way you ordinarily talk…and that’s the point. Generative conversations are the bedrock of couples therapy momentum.
Maybe it’s Saturday afternoon or early Sunday morning over coffee, or some evening during the week after the kids have gone to bed. The important thing is to choose a time and a place that you can both agree on and stick to it.
It’s easy to be considerate and loving to your partner when the vistas are magnificent, the sun is shining and breezes are gentle. But when it gets bone-chilling cold, you’re hungry and tired, and your partner is whining and sniveling about how you got them into this mess, that’s when you get tested. Your leadership and your character get tested. You can join the finger pointing or become how you aspire to become. Dr. Pete Pearson.
Daniel is a Marriage and Family Therapist. He currently sees couples at Couples Therapy Inc. in Boston, Massachusetts, three seasons in Cummington (at the foothills of the Berkshires...) and in Miami during joint retreats with his wife, Dr. Kathy McMahon. He uses EFT, Gottman Method, Solution-focused and the Developmental Model in his approaches.
We schedule three double sessions with you in total. You complete an extensive online relationship questionnaire. In that final meeting, we spend almost two hours with you explaining, from a science perspective what's working in your relationship, what's not, and how to fix it.
It's all done online, either week-by-week or over a weekend.