If you are considering divorce or separation but aren’t sure if it’s the right path for you, we can help. Take one more careful look at your marriage to settle on a permanent decision you can live with. Divorce has long-term consequences but is sometimes unavoidable. Painful breakup is sometimes stopped when the path to happiness becomes clear.
Living in a troubled marriage is often an emotional ordeal. When divorce descends into a chaotic, hostile confrontation with financial retribution or prolonged silence, it becomes a distressing fiasco. This is where discernment counseling plays a pivotal role—it offers a moment to deeply contemplate before making a life-changing decision.
At CTI, all of our clinicians undergo discernment training. You’ll be guided by a skilled therapist who will help you navigate this decision-making process. It is a structured reflection, and a purposeful pause to organize essential thoughts and feelings. Discernment counseling is time-limited, private sessions with guidance to make a better, more thoughtful choice.
Kathy A. McMahon Psychologist, Sex Therapist, President, Couples Therapy Inc.
Looking for more information on Discernment Counseling?
Considering Divorce? Pause and consider your options.
Discernment Counseling (also known as “discernment therapy” or “pre-divorce counseling”) is a process designed for couples considering divorce. Unlike marriage counseling, discernment counseling focuses primarily on individual reflection. Joint meetings are brief and free from debate or argument. The majority of the time is spent with a clinician in private, one-on-one conversations with each spouse, while shorter sessions involve sharing selected insights with your partner. What you can expect: Each person completes a comprehensive online assessment; Participates in individual sessions and limited joint meetings; Gains clarity on whether to remain in or leave the marriage.
End the struggle of deciding the best course of action
Goals for the ‘Leaning in’ partner is:
Bring your best self forward
Settle yourself and avoid escalating the situation
Alleviate feelings of desperation
Whether it’s an affair, depression, or prolonged unhappiness, as the ‘Leaning Out’ partner, you have a story to share. As the ‘Leaning In’ partner, you were aware of the issues, but separation seemed unfathomable. You believed your relationship was resilient. Despite feeling hurt by betrayal or the challenges you’ve encountered, you’ve invested significant time and effort in preserving your marriage.
Your therapist will have a thorough understanding of your marital background, personal history, and unique perspective. This enables both of you to delve into the core issues more efficiently during your one-on-one sessions.
A marital approach increasing your ability to judge your marital options well: Couples seek professional advice from a qualified mental health provider: pre-divorce counseling.
Divorce is a big step.
You’d like a place to have the space to talk it out with somebody. To find the words to explain it to your spouse…who may be freaked out. Or so angry you can’t say “pass the salt” without an argument.
The “leaning in” partner.”
You have just heard: “I’m not in love with you anymore…” or “I want a divorce.” You may be angry, in mourning, frustrated, abusive, placating, inconsolable, or willing to “do anything” to improve things. Reactions change by the day…or by the minute.
Do you want to keep this marriage?
If you really want the marriage, you have to know why. Why is it worth fighting for and working hard to save? And it’s on you, the leaning in partner, to do most of the work to save the union, even if you’re the only one working.
Managing “the audience”
If there is an audience, they are hard to ignore. If you haven’t told anybody, all the better. Don’t until you’ve completed discernment. You’ll set off a flood of opinions that won’t be neutral and won’t help you explore all the complex feelings safely and calmly.
Our therapist was wonderful.
She created an excellent environment and provided wonderful guidance in our discernment therapy. We made great strides in the one weekend that we had been trying to overcome for months.
Recent client reports
Our relationship was not supportive and unstable.
We had poor communication with each other, conflicting interests. We wanted experts in Discernment therapy. Our therapist was truly amazing and thoughtful. He led us to make our own decision to work on our marriage.
Recent client reports
I gained better communication skills once I found out the truth.
Our marriage retreat turned into divorce planning. He is/was unwilling to work to reconcile the marriage. I found out he was having an affair. He was finally honest with me.
Recent client reports
I had filed for divorce.
It was very apparent that our therapist did her homework and was prepared for our completely opposite personalities. Her calm, patient demeanor was especially effective in dealing with my husband’s unpredictable mood changes and outbursts of anger.
Recent client reports
We are getting a divorce, but I wanted to understand how we got there and figure out how to move forward.
I feel like it’s not all my fault that our relationship failed, now. I’m dealing with my childhood issues. We also have points of reference from our weekend that help us communicate better for the sake of the kids.
She created an excellent environment and provided wonderful guidance in our discernment therapy. We made great strides in the one weekend that we had been trying to overcome for months.
Recent client reports
Our relationship was not supportive and unstable.
We had poor communication with each other, conflicting interests. We wanted experts in Discernment therapy. Our therapist was truly amazing and thoughtful. He led us to make our own decision to work on our marriage.
Recent client reports
I gained better communication skills once I found out the truth.
Our marriage retreat turned into divorce planning. He is/was unwilling to work to reconcile the marriage. I found out he was having an affair. He was finally honest with me.
Recent client reports
I had filed for divorce.
It was very apparent that our therapist did her homework and was prepared for our completely opposite personalities. Her calm, patient demeanor was especially effective in dealing with my husband’s unpredictable mood changes and outbursts of anger.
Recent client reports
We are getting a divorce, but I wanted to understand how we got there and figure out how to move forward.
I feel like it’s not all my fault that our relationship failed, now. I’m dealing with my childhood issues. We also have points of reference from our weekend that help us communicate better for the sake of the kids.
At Couples Therapy Inc., all of our therapists have received direct training in discernment counseling from Discernment founder, Dr. Bill Doherty. With counselors in 33 locations across the United States, including Puerto Rico, we practice in 45 states and are continually expanding. Our team deeply understands the process that leads to marital dissolution and is dedicated to helping you gain clarity and confidence in making a personal decision about your marriage.
Half of our therapists hold doctoral degrees, and one-third are certified in the prestigious Gottman Method, a distinction held by fewer than 500 professionals worldwide. As a practice, we specialize exclusively in couples therapy.
