The landscape of modern marriage is transforming before our eyes, and Millennials are leading this remarkable change. While previous generations often viewed marriage as a natural next step in life’s progression, today’s young couples are rewriting the rules of commitment with thoughtful intention and promising results. The proof? An unprecedented 18% plunge in U.S. divorce rates between 2008 and 2016, with the trend continuing to hold steady even through post-pandemic adjustments. This isn’t just a statistical blip – it’s a signal of a deeper shift in how an entire generation approaches lifelong partnership.
A recent study from the University of Maryland explains this decrease. This research credits the millennial generation. Compared to Generation X, and especially Baby Boomers, Millennials are far less likely to divorce.
The Research
There is a large impact that the older divorce-prone boomer generation had on Millennials. Many are cautious after experiencing their own family turmoil as children. Unlike prior generations, Millennials also live decidedly more public lives through social media. When it comes to their personal lives, Millennials are a deliberate and purposeful generation. Many have seen their parents struggle in marriage, and they want something different for themselves.
“I grew up seeing a lot of my friends’ families divorce; I’m sure most people my age have experienced either their parents’ or their friends’ parents’ divorces, and it had a profound effect on us. I think a lot of this group, myself included, vowed to themselves early on that they were not going to repeat the same patterns and mistakes as they saw their folks, or their friends’ folks, make.
“I think that’s why they seek support from professional resources more willingly and more readily than other generations: they’re devoted to making their relationships work, and not end up as just another statistic. I think that as a result, Millennials generally aspire to stand out in some way among their peers and in their social media network, too, and it’s probably an ego boost and a dopamine rush for them every time they get a “thumbs up” or a “Like” on social media posts.
“And you only get those when you’re posting wonderful things all the time, so there’s more of an incentive to pursue excellence, and have a good marriage (and therefore, to actually do what’s necessary to maintain “a good marriage”, not just maintain the appearance of it), because there is more social backlash (i.e., not as many “Likes” from peers) when you’re not appearing to maintain a good marriage.”
Is it possible that millennials have a greater social public awareness of their intimate relationships because of social media than prior generations?
I have a Millennial friend who’ll probably never marry. She’s not going to settle! And I think a lot of millennials refuse to settle. – Jennifer Elkins.
They will consider marriage not only after their own education, career, and finances are in order; they also have an investment in their future life partners’ life-planning as well.
“The change among young people is particularly striking,” says Susan Brown, a Bowling Green State University sociology professor. “The characteristics of young married couples today signal a sustained decline [in divorce rates] in the coming years.”
The difference with the baby boomer generation is dramatic. Boomers marry and divorce throughout their life cycle, even well into their 70’s.
As we have mentioned in the post on gray divorce, from 1990 to 2015, the divorce rate doubled for people aged 55 to 64, and even tripled for Americans 65 and older.
This new study indicates that the epidemic of boomer divorce may finally have leveled out. Still, baby boomers continue to divorce at much higher levels than any previous generations for which we have data.
There is another unique trait of millennials. Science-based couples therapy enjoys a 70 to 90% success rate even though the average couple entering couples therapy has been in acute distress for nearly 7 years. Millennials not only seek couples therapy at the first sign of trouble…, but they also seek pre-marital counseling as well. Millennials may be self-possessed, but when they do commit, they tend to take marriage seriously and are proactive about their marital health.
2. Willingness to Seek Help
Unlike previous generations, Jennifer suggests, Millennials seem to have a higher degree of self-sufficiency:
“They’ve developed stronger and healthier self-esteem. They don’t seek or need validation and reassurance from a partner to feel like they count; they find validation from within. Or, conversely, some M’s have learned that the only person they can trust is themselves, and may be a bit stingy extending trust to other people who could easily break it, which may make them look picky… I’d rather say that they’re appropriately discerning.”
What are Their Two Secrets to Marital Stability?
1. Caphead, not cornerstone
The first success secret of Millennials and marriage is that they’re not impulsive when it comes to marriage. Unlike Gen X and Boomers, Millennials get their education, careers, and financial lives in order before taking the plunge.
Research tells us that the more you defer getting married, mainly to focus on education and career, the more stable your eventual marriage will become. We’ve known this fact for a long time. What’s different about Millennials is that they are acting on this sensible advice en masse. They may place a higher value on their own self-efficacy ans self-actualization – being happy with themselves and relying on themselves than in partnering up for the sake of being with someone else.
We asked Jennifer what the relationship was between self-esteem and healthy intimacy for Millennials:
Are Millennials and Marriage a Sign of Privilege and Status?
Education is exerting an enormous impact on the meaning of intimacy. Marriage is becoming an emblem of success. Fewer people are getting married, and they are the sort of people who are least likely to divorce. Marriage for Millennials has become the crown of thoughtful life planning.
Marriage is no longer something you do. It has become a symbol for who you are…and who you are becoming.
Of course, there are Millenials who are devoid of privilege. Jennifer is curious about whether there was any data about Millennials and their likelihood or non-likelihood to marry vs. just move in with each other? Is the data suggesting that educated millennials prefer to marry instead of just living together?
A Cultural Revolution in Relationship Care
Gone are the days when seeking therapy carried a stigma. Today’s couples, particularly Millennials, are embracing therapy as a tool for relationship growth and maintenance. Recent research from MidAmerica Nazarene University, surveying 1,000 people across relationship stages, reveals a dramatic evolution in attitudes toward couples therapy. The findings paint a picture of a generation actively investing in their relationships’ health.
The Numbers Tell a Story
The landscape of couples therapy is changing rapidly. While 52% of couples haven’t tried therapy yet, they’re open to it. Even more striking? Among Millennials, 51% have already participated in couples therapy – making those who haven’t the minority in their generation. This marks a profound cultural shift from previous generations.
Why Couples Seek Support
What drives couples to seek help? Communication consistently tops the list, followed by concerns about finances, parenting, and career challenges. The good news? An overwhelming 71% of couples who tried therapy found it helpful or very helpful. This success rate reflects the advancing field of science-based, research-driven couples therapy.
The Future of Relationship Support
The way couples access therapy is also evolving. With busy modern lifestyles, 58% of couples express interest in online therapy options. The convenience of accessing professional support from home through secure HIPAA-compliant platforms appeals to time-pressed couples seeking help. Intensive couples therapy will become increasingly popular and well-known.
A Generational Shift
This generational change has profound implications. Millennials aren’t just normalizing couples therapy—they’re actively reshaping how it’s delivered and received. Their proactive approach to relationship maintenance, starting even before marriage, suggests a promising trend for future relationship stability.
Breaking Down Barriers
What makes this particularly meaningful is the complete absence of stigma. Unlike their predecessors, Millennials view couples therapy as a natural part of relationship maintenance – like regular check-ups for emotional health. This attitude, combined with increasingly effective therapeutic approaches, points toward stronger, more resilient relationships in the decades ahead.
Conclusions
The story of Millennials and marriage offers hope and practical wisdom for couples of all ages. Their approach reminds us that strong relationships aren’t built on chance or fairy-tale expectations, but on intentional choices and proactive care. Whether you’re considering marriage, newly wed, or celebrating years together, remember that seeking support isn’t admitting defeat – it’s investing in your shared future. In a world where relationships face unprecedented challenges, this generation’s willingness to prioritize emotional health and relationship maintenance isn’t just admirable – it’s revolutionary. They’re showing us that with the right foundation and tools, lasting love isn’t just possible – it’s increasingly probable.”
