Tough Couples know that every marriage has difficult times.
They see these times as an invitation for their best selves to show up.
Bitter or Better. You can’t have both. Resentments keep you stuck in the past. If you’re inconsolable, it’s going to be much harder to move forward. Tough couples understand that they are moving through time together. They will sometimes let their partner down; they will make mistakes. Their partner will also sometimes let them down and make mistakes as well.
But they will always struggle to learn, repair, heal and grow.
When your partner has let you down, there’s an all-too-human tendency to use these past mistakes as leverage in present-day arguments. Tough couples resist the desire to punish. If they can’t focus on how their partner is showing up right now, they might miss an opportunity for trust and connection to be restored.
Couples who stubbornly outlast their problems never claim that they never had reasons to get divorced.
They just valued their commitment more than their conflicts.
Tough couples are stronger than their problems. They hang in there. They get help. And they model that toughness for their kids. They teach their children that intimate relationships aren’t easy, but they are worth the effort.
Tough couples not only eventually heal, they expect to.
They never let a marital crisis go to waste.
They ask “what did we learn from this? How can we do better next time? What can we share, and how can we model toughness for our kids?” Tough couples understand that problems come and go. But growth is always an option.
Tough couples are eager to learn the stresses and problems of their partner. They ask a lot of questions that demonstrate an interest in their spouse’s world. They know the importance of checking in with their spouse even just to ask “How was your day?”
Tough couples understand the importance of softened start-ups, especially during stressful times. They have a resilient habit of responding to their partner’s efforts to respectfully dialogue about ongoing concerns. They understand that difficult times require an extra effort to engage in more intimate conversations about what keeps them up at night.
They know that a deeper connection comes when they the time to ask open-ended questions about their spouse’s inner world of feelings, fears, etc. And they are strong enough to be vulnerable to their partner as well.
Do you need some time together to toughen up?
Call us for more information 844-926-8753 to reach me, Daniel Dashnaw, use option 2.
Daniel is a Marriage and Family Therapist. He currently sees couples at Couples Therapy Inc. in Boston, Massachusetts, three seasons in Cummington (at the foothills of the Berkshires...) and in Miami during joint retreats with his wife, Dr. Kathy McMahon. He uses EFT, Gottman Method, Solution-focused and the Developmental Model in his approaches.
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