I’ve heard many a wonderful proposal story in my life. It is part of the “Oral History Interview” that is a crucial part of the State of the Union assessment process. One of the high points of my job is hearing about the creative or heartfelt ways that people ask to each other to marry.
This one is exceptionally nice. It’s a wonderful proposal that was carefully thought out by the man.
The request to marry is a special moment in life that should be planned for and honored. It is a part of the start of a life together. Consider what your marriage would be like if you pressured your partner into a proposal, or if circumstances did so. How different would the meaning of a proposal be? A lot different.
And proposals that come after a long courtship can often be a sign that the couple has considered their “fit” as a couple, and chosen to bond together for life. They often say things like: “I asked her to marry me because I couldn’t imagine life without her” or “He and I shared so many common interests and goals. We wanted to travel, then later to have children…”
Couples in distress can’t remember the reasons short of “She was pregnant and it was the right thing to do” or “We’d been living together for a year, so it seemed the next step. Such reasons that stress happenstance or accident may not actually be the actual reasons they got married. The couple, however, may be in such distress that they can’t quite recall the reasons that have more emotional and personal meaning. Such couples will need particular help in reviving their “Fondness and Admiration” systems and setting new goals and reasons to commit to their marriage anew. Otherwise, this same drifting attitude may cause them to conclude “We should just be apart now.”
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Dr. K is the President and CEO of Couples Therapy Inc. She maintains her Intensive Couples Therapy practice over the winter in Miami, Fl and the rest of the year in Boston and on the edge of the Berkshires in Western Massachusetts. She is a Gottman Certified Couples Therapist, has advanced training in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, and has been a AASECT board-certified sex therapist from 1982-2017. She continues her work in sex therapy.
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