Marriage problems are the same damn thing over and over again. When you have the same fight over and over again….you’re pretty much in problem land. There’s a lot of psycho-education available, some of it may be religious in its orientation, but the science of learning how to speak better to your partner is already out there.
The Solution is using the science-based psycho-education/ Group work early in the advent of your relationship problems, or a complete Big Big Book style Couples Therapy Intensive later in your relationship with one of our master therapists when the problems between the two of you just won’t go away.
How do you know when you don’t need a therapist?
If your getting into one fight a month, and its over in 3 days, maybe psycho-education might help. But start with reading on your own. John Gottman and Sue Johnson are a great source. But their books used on Amazon and see if both of you can figure a way out of the “dance” you get into on your own without a therapist. Or you could participate in a low cost group intensive in either Gottman or Johnson’s model to improve your overall communication skills.
Unfortunately, couples here in the USA have a predictable arc. They will wait almost seven years before things get bad enough for therapy. Unfortunately, a little work earlier in the relationship might have surfaced some problems to work on.
State of the Union Assessment
That’s why at Couples Therapy Inc. we offer couples something more personal than mere psycho-education, which, as I mentioned, you can get for free or or for the cost of a used book. We offer the unique “State of the Union” Clinical assessment. Do you find things are slippin’ a little bit in the satisfaction department.. but you might not be ready for therapy?
Let us help you figure out what exactly you need to get done to get back on track.
Because the truth is, when marriage problems show up, whether you stay together or not, they tend to take about 5 years or so to straighten out without a therapist. But when problems are wanting solutions, you’re more likely to stay in love and stubbornly outlast your problems with a science based couples therapist than you ever will on your own.
What’s the state of your union?
Daniel is a Marriage and Family Therapist. He currently sees couples at Couples Therapy Inc. using EFT, Gottman Method, and the Developmental Model.