Dr. Shirley Glass remains one of the world’s leading expert on what happens in marriage when an affair is disclosed or discovered. She has been called the “godmother of infidelity research.” She began researching infidelity in 1975. It was her primary clinical and research focus until her death in 2003.
One of her essential findings was that healing from an affair was not possible until the full story of the affair could be openly discussed and shared. Her research was incredibly valuable because it was concrete and specific, and became the scientific foundation for new therapeutic methods in working with couples struggling to recover from an affair.
Both partners have a role in co-creating a constructive dialogue to heal and repair. The problem is that the more the hurt partner pushes for information, the more the involved partner retreats. The more the involved partner retreats, the more the hurt partner applies pressure, and what should be a heartfelt dialogue quickly becomes an escalating power struggle.
How Do You Talk About The Affair If You Are The Hurt Partner?
In my next post, I will talk about the role that involved partners have in affair recovery.
Daniel is a Marriage and Family Therapist. He currently sees couples at Couples Therapy Inc. in Boston, Massachusetts, three seasons in Cummington (at the foothills of the Berkshires...) and in Miami during joint retreats with his wife, Dr. Kathy McMahon. He uses EFT, Gottman Method, Solution-focused and the Developmental Model in his approaches.