If you aren't getting along with the person who once meant the world to you, there is startling new information you need to know.
A way of intervening that stops your fast-moving train to greater marital misery or divorce.
It helps you exit the 'divorce super-highway.'
No more endless bickering or cold-shoulder bedtimes.
Or vacations and romantic evenings that end in disaster.
Don't make the same mistake I did, and let a perfectly good marriage go down the drain.
“My own marital failure drove me to invest 20 years of study, and learn 5 different models of couples therapy. The results?"
Do you harbor misguided notions about love and marriage? Most couples do. Even many THERAPISTS do. I know I did when my own marriage had problems...
As a clinical psychologist I worked with couples, but these very misguided notions not only limited my impact as a couples therapist, they destroyed my own marriage.
If you think psychologists have just as many problems as the average person... you'd be right.
I've had my share.
Ask my ex-husband.
I divorced a perfectly nice guy and the father of my child. Oh, I had my reasons. And most of them were a bunch of "pie in the sky" ideas I got from theories I learned while in graduate school. They were wrong-headed notions about why marriages fail and how to fix them.
There are still plenty of these myths out there.
Like how about THIS MYTH:
"The severity of your problems predicts the likelihood of divorce."
Nope. Wrong. False.
Back then, I did what most people do, "I used my health insurance," and went to a counselor.
But instead of getting help, those weekly 45-minute sessions left me angrier, more hopeless, and totally, totally misunderstood. And we left each session more upset than when we arrived!
If you've see a therapist for your troubled marriage, you were probably told to practice “good communication skills."
I thought that's all I was doing...yak, yak, yakking without impacting!
Like most women facing divorce, it only took a few sessions before I became totally disillusioned.
I thought we were 'broken.'
I went through a painful divorce.
It cost me big time, not only economically, but emotionally, too, and everything got a lot more complicated. Two houses. Two mortgages. A daughter running between families. Two different sets of rules.
Divorce is one of the most stressful events in an adult's life, according to research. Even worse on children, despite the media hype.
“Divorce is costly, not just financially, but emotionally too. It costs your kids, as well as your future security. Preventing it is well worth the effort..."
Later on, I remarried a “completely different guy.” And guess what?
These same problems reappeared!
I thought to myself: “How could I be so unlucky?”
But it wasn't a matter of "luck" at all.
I was the same person...
...with the same crappy way of relating to my intimate partner.
I could divorce my ex- but not "myself."
As Aimee Mann says: "It's not going to stop 'til you wise up..."
And you know what? She's right.
Leaving a marriage, when you don't know what you're doing wrong (...or just blaming your spouse..) means it's not going to stop for you, either.
Unless you figure out what you're doing wrong in your marriage and fix it, you're doomed to repeat it.
Don't give up! Wise up!
Before we contacted CTI we were; unhappy, teetering, with a poor ability to connect and manage conflict.
Havi Kligfeld was confident, she had a plan, and was evidence-based. We improved conflict management, improved kindness, and improved understanding.
We took an 180-degree turn. We developed a new shared story, techniques to manage conflict with extended "speaker-listener" techniques, and my husband learned to "see my pain" and to renew his supportive role in my life. A few happened in therapy, but the time we spent together AROUND the therapy was where we had the most amazing breakthroughs. So therapy was a catalyst for us to rediscover our ability to heal. We were on the wrong road and this weekend put us on the right road.
It was a miracle. Benefits are continuing. We were both highly motivated and had been together for our whole lives and agreed on many many things so that may have made it easier for us, but we were truly stuck. Thank you!
What would you say to couples that are considering working with Couples Therapy Inc.?
DO IT. Worth it. Intake is great to be very clear about what is going to happen, it reduces fear.
Like a diamond, your marriage is the hardest “jewel” in the rocky world of relationships. But with a magnifying glass, precision skill, the jeweler's tap brings out the luster. Many marriage are rough stones with hidden brilliance. Just waiting to shine.
Careful assessment is our "magnifying glass." "The BIG BIG Book" (which included a Gottman Assessment and a lot more...) allows us take a closer look at you as an individual in your marriage. It's an online tool. Completing it out will have a huge impact on you, too. Our couples tell us it was the start of their couples retreat therapy.
This online assessment is scored, and your words are carefully read and analyzed, side-by-side with your partner's tome. We do this before we even meet.
When you arrive at this couples retreat, we'll explore your early relationship history, "The Story of Us," and with your therapist, you'll work collaboratively, constructing your most critical relationship goals during our time together.
With the help of The BIG BIG Book, you'll be asked finely-tuned questions about your marital issues.
Instead of seemingly endless weekly "45-minute sessions," you'll spend a solitary weekend--just the two of you...alone. Relaxed. Away from the hassles of your everyday lives.
We'll Work Fast
Forget 6 months of 45-minute sessions that stop at the height of your fight... "See you next week!" Science says:"not enough time!"
These aren't generic “communication skills training" with 5-250 other couples. Our approach is precise and intimate.
Not someone's biased 'personal opinions.' This help is based upon 40+ years of research with over 3,000 couples.
"I just wanted to thank you for providing me with the opportunity to work with Daniel Dashnaw. It has been a wonderful experience for me and a true source of joy during a very difficult time in our lives. He is a man of wisdom and I truly enjoyed the learning adventure he so skillfully crafted with me. His knowledge and insight will follow me for the rest of my life."
She had a very nice way of not taking sides, yet giving good strong comments and thought-provoking scenarios. She absolutely knew us
She gave us practical tools to use when I was very upset and we left with a new vision of our future and tools to use to improve our communication.
I was skeptical heading into the weekend but now I am so glad that we did it.”
"After researching other couples therapy I believed you [CTI] were our best chance as a couple"
[Our work with CTI] opened up our communication and provided tools to assist in communicating and connecting
Dr. Wolfe had the ability to work on most important issues but there was not enough time to get into other issues. The intensive therapy and questionnaire cut through months of weekly therapy before getting to the heart of issues.
This work opened up communication with my spouse, provided tools to improve connecting with my spouse, and showed me that my spouse cares.
This approach gets to the point. You start working on your issues much sooner than weekly therapy, which can be a benefit depending on the couple’s issues.
We hold our Couples Retreat in 24 attractive locations: Three in Massachusetts, and in Washington DC / Maryland; Virginia; Atlanta, Georgia; Charleston, South Carolina; Miami or Boca Raton, Florida; Old San Juan, Puerto Rico; Oahu, Hawaii; Austin & Houston, Texas; Chicago, Illinois; Minneapolis, Minnesota; Denver, Colorado; Las Vegas, Nevada; San Francisco Bay Area and Los Angeles County, California. Missoula, Montana; Ashland, Oregon; and Blaine, Washington.In Europe? Visit us in Ireland. Australia? We're on the Gold Coast. South Africa? In beautiful Hermanus, Western Cape.
A Couples Retreat is designed for those in mild, moderate or severe relationship distress.
Couples who are actively willing to work on their marriage/relationship.
Couples who are emotionally dysregulated (loud fighting, shouting, emotional outbursts, crying)
Couples struggling with an affair who have had time to process the implications.
Couples who are disconnected, distant, asexual, or cold.
Marriages in which one partner is selfish, bossy, irresponsible, or self-absorbed.
Those who are unhappily living together, separated, legally married or not.
Couples who have good reasons to stay married, but are ambivalent.
We cannot accept couples who engage in regular and ongoing physical violence.
Where one partner is actively drug or alcohol addicted and requires in-patient care.
When an active and untreated mental illness is destroying your marriage.
When an affair was discovered within the last week. Fresh disclosures are too stressful for immediate intensive work.
When having an undisclosed affair (see us for Discernment Counseling, instead...)
Where one partner refuses to complete the assessment prior to the retreat.
When one partner is unwilling to put genuine effort into changing their marriage. If the motivation is to "check the box" or "let their partner down easy," this is not for you.
These type of couples retreat is in high demand and fill quickly.
"For a long time, I had so many doubts as to whether we could make this work. I spent most of my marriage not knowing it could be as rich as this last month as been. I felt the "switch," over this last month, and it's felt like living in sunshine instead of shadows.My husband and I haven't had a fight in months, even while navigating normally very tense waters including dealing with our families, and even buying a house! They've turned into discussions.
Dr. K, I'm not kidding, it's been the sweetest month I've ever had in our marriage. I know that we'll hit plenty of bumps ahead. But for the first time in a long time,
So this email is simply to say "thank you." Thank you for giving us the tools, and the hope that things would change if we wanted them to. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for giving me my husband back, and for listening when we were at our rock bottom."
"Angela was a wonderful therapist and truly advocated for both of us, and our relationship, throughout the weekend intensive. Her approach was thoughtful, logical and easy to follow. She listened to our concerns and
I would definitely recommend Angela to others looking for couples counseling."
Thanks Dr. R! It was a great weekend and we are so grateful for all you did for us! We will get on our homework and schedule a follow-up soon. Again, many thanks for helping us with your approach and care!”
There are many cheaper group alternatives.
Don't ignore your relationship problems and hope they go away.
Contact Ted, our Operations Manager, at [email protected] Therapy Inc.
Once registered, we'll send you a list of of places and restaurants that previous couples have enjoyed.
Send us three that would work for you and we'll do our best to accommodate you.
For guidance, contact our Intake Coordinator, Daniel, at 844-926-8753 extension 2.
Evidence- and Science-based couples therapy has been demonstrated to be effective with 70% - 90% of all couples completing treatment.
Check with your insurance provider. Most do not. Flexible Spending Account (FSA) likely will. See your benefits administrator at your place of employment.