Do you know how to bicker with skill? With all this science-based couples therapy floating around, good marital bickering is becoming a lost art. That’s really unfortunate because if you can’t learn to bicker with skill, you’re gonna lose more arguments in the long run.
And who wants to be a loser?
Here are some essential tips for how you can learn to bicker with skill and rule the roost once and for all!
Your marriage has a backdrop, a subtext, like a kitchen sink filling up with the dirty dishes of resentments and hurt feelings. And your kitchen sink is overflowing now isn’t it?
And you don’t forget those dirty dishes… no siree!
It’s little things trigger you, and remind you of this unresolved hurt and resentment. And because, being human, you and your partner tend to remember negative and unfinished emotional experiences more vividly than positive ones, an attachment injury, or a betrayal tends to leave you both stuck.
If you can bicker with skill, especially about nothing in particular, you can really chase your tail and get the exhilarating feeling that maybe you’re actually getting somewhere.
You’re not of course…but why should you have to be the one to point that out?
Daniel is a Marriage and Family Therapist. He currently sees couples at Couples Therapy Inc. in Boston, Massachusetts, three seasons in Cummington (at the foothills of the Berkshires...) and in Miami during joint retreats with his wife, Dr. Kathy McMahon. He uses EFT, Gottman Method, Solution-focused and the Developmental Model in his approaches.
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