Have you ever really thought about your emotional availability? Here are a few questions that I offer for you to think about. My purpose in this post is to invite you to “take yourself on” and really work these questions.
Get a notebook and a pen. Write out the question, and just start writing an answer. Don’t stop to edit. You are writing only for yourself.
James Pennebaker is a pioneer in writing therapies. His theory is that actively inhibiting thoughts and feelings about traumatic events requires effort, serves as a cumulative stressor on the body.
Writing for yourself is an elegant way of boosting your immune system. When you write it you own it. And you can externalize the demons instead of bottling them up inside.
Give yourself a fixed block of time to wrestle with each question. Pennebaker tells us:
Don’t worry about spelling, grammar or sentence structure. The only rule is that once you begin writing, you continue until the time is up…open yourself up by writing it down…
Write and keep writing. Really explore each question. Then when you are done, read your entire output.
This could be the start of a very deep and healthy process for you. And it might help you to assess your emotional ability.
Maybe some of these questions made you wince. Good. The answers are for your eyes only. You can handle it.
Can you be available…for yourself?
The best ability is availability. Bill Parcells
But if availability is a problem emerging in your intimate relationship, it’s better if you ask yourself now than if your partner asks you later. I know you have the ability. But do you have availability?
Daniel is a Marriage and Family Therapist. He is the Blog Editor. He currently works online seeing couples from Massachusetts at Couples Therapy Inc. He uses EFT, Gottman Method, Solution-focused and the Developmental Model in his approaches.
We schedule three double sessions with you in total. You complete an extensive online relationship questionnaire. In that final meeting, we spend almost two hours with you explaining, from a science perspective what's working in your relationship, what's not, and how to fix it.
It's all done online, either week-by-week or over a weekend.
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