Practicing Sex Therapist
We were in a 25+year marriage with no real communication. After years of multiple stressors, one partner felt ending the marriage would be best. We were confronted with loving the other person, but not feeling "in love." There was a lot of emotional isolation and distancing. One partner's work had become more important than the marriage. We were hesitant about revealing personal, very personal truths to a stranger. We were both anxious about hearing the status of our marriage from a professional. Dr. K is personable, funny, and impartial. We never felt like she was taking anyone's side. She is highly intelligent and insightful. After the first few moments of speaking with her, we both felt very comfortable. We heard new "truths" about each other. We began to understand how our childhood experiences played a key role in our roles of husband and wife. We let ourselves finally be vulnerable. Instead of pursuing a legal separation, we are now committed to working on building our marriage into something fun and amazing. Dr. K is passionate about her work and her enthusiasm is infectious. It is an amazing experience to feel such desire to not simply "save" what you had but to make it rich with love and respect. We both felt our "stories" were validated. Our childhood experiences are relevant and with Dr. K's help, we were able to see each other in a new light. For the first time in our 26 years of marriage, we are putting ourselves first. What would you say to couples that are considering working with Couples Therapy Inc.? It is a leap. Forget all the worry and the questions and just do it. You will not have any regrets. It will be the best money you've ever spent. - Recent Retreat Participant
Our Boston Landing location is 15-minutes from Logan Airport, Cambridge, Downtown Boston, and the Back Bay/Newbury Street. Rental Unit available.
A seasonal office in the foothills of the Berkshire is an ideal pastoral get-away. Less than 3.5 hours from Manhattan. Arrive into the Hartford Airport.
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I am a naturally enthusiastic teacher and trainer. I feel passionate about couples therapy and sex therapy and hold a deep respect towards those who invest in making their relationship better. I try to model honesty with my clients. I feel the responsibility to embrace my foibles, as part of what makes me human, and in this, I am hoping to demonstrate and lead by example. To err is human, and makes us interesting people. I am willing to be proven wrong. I strive to be non-defensive, open and always curious about my client's reactions and my reactions to them. Compassion begins with forgiving ourselves. I learn from my clients, as they learn from me.
You will find that I have an active interactional style that is no-nonsense, but sweetened with humor and empathetic engagement. I care deeply about my couples. I adore all of them (most of the time), and I work hard to help them because I believe in intimate relationships. I want to help you to live happy, productive lives. And I want to strengthen the families that so depend on upon your healthy relationship.
I try to broaden the emotional vocabulary of my clients, and to help them overcome society’s bias against powerful emotions like grief, sadness, anger, guilt, and shame. Feeling something is no crime, and should carry no punishment. I enjoy working with couples where one is neuro-atypical, such as those that have, or fall slightly short of the Aspergers diagnosis, and attention deficit. I do my best to "talk practically," and avoid suggesting ideas that are unworkable to this population.
I was AASECT Board-certified Diplomat in Sex Therapy and Sex Educator for 30 years, but time constraints doesn't allow me to keep up with this certification. I think I've earned my stripes, however. I work with all couples, from every walk of life, including LGBTQIA couples.
I am not an expert on my clients. I am an expert at understanding human relationships and sexology. I want my couples to be, or become, experts on themselves, their relationships, and their sexual lives.
When I looked in the mirror on Monday morning, I saw, for the first time, a loved and lovable woman looking back at me. The woman looking back at me was not defective, not broken, not crazy. I didn't, until that moment, realize how much contempt I felt for myself all these years. Imagine the joy I felt! And the gratitude!
There are no words to adequately express how grateful I am for the weekend my husband and I spent with you. You provided invaluable insight that, with time and practice, will help us navigate our marriage as well as our relationships with our children and extended family in a loving, supportive way. I walked away with so much hope, to the point of bursting with it.
- Thank you for helping us, Dr. K! And thank you for the work you do! -Recent Marriage Retreat Participant
I’m an outspoken cultural skeptic. I’m frightened about the state of our environment and about the depletion of resources that have made our modern life so wonderful. The pressures on people in our culture and our time are enormous, and we all need a good set of tools to cope with these pressures. Nevertheless, I remain optimistic about the capacity of a small group of people to make profound changes in their own lives, and the lives of their communities. I believe the following:
I received my doctoral degree in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University New England in 1988. I have very much taken to heart something that Horace Mann said at an address at Antioch College in 1859:
“Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity.”
Excellent couples therapy offered around the world is a victory of sorts!
I later became the Director of the Master’s Program in Counseling Psychology in the Department of Applied Psychology. In that program alone there were 120-140 students and 40 faculty members. I’ve trained many of the Masters’ Level clinicians who are now helping to heal and repair others in their communities.
It is a fact I’m very proud of.
I’m also a Certified Gottman Therapist, one of an elite group of clinicians worldwide. And one of 7 in this practice.
I've also, as I've mentioned, practice sex therapist and I practice sex therapy in all of the states that I'm licensed in: CA, AZ, FL, TX (provisional). I teach Human Sexuality & Sex Therapy in the Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology at Antioch these days. I’ve also taught Human Sexuality and Sex Therapy, and Gender and Ethnicity among other courses, at the University of St. Joseph in West Hartford, Connecticut & Cambridge College in Cambridge, Massachusetts, some for decades.
Teaching graduate students also give me great joy, and I feel honored to be able to do it. I’ve also been a Clinical Fellow of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy for over 25 years, and a board-certified Sex Therapy Diplomate and Educator for over three decades. This organization first made me a certified sex therapist in Massachusetts.
For three years, I supervised pre-doctoral psychology interns in an inner-city mental health clinic serving multi-generational, multi-problem families. I carried a supervisory caseload averaging 130-150 ongoing cases. I saw what grinding, multi-generational poverty does to the human soul.
I also learned to find some uneasy truce with that reality and to have an abiding respect for our clients’ struggles to stand tall and maintain dignity throughout horrific adversity.
Allow me to assure you that little of what you might say to me is likely to surprise me.
I’m a wife, a mother, and a grandmother, in addition to being a clinical psychologist, university professor and writer. I cherish all of these roles.
My husband, Daniel Dashnaw, M.S., completed his second Master's Degree, this time in Marriage and Family Therapy. I have so much respect for a guy who joins his wife’s profession late in life, and has the strength to be junior to her senior status. (We're doing joint intensives, as well, so feel free to request the pair of us!)
We also have a passion for working with couples, so perhaps you can imagine how exciting and emotionally complicated our household is right now. Thank goodness we’ve known each other since we’ve been teenagers!
I’m ethnically Irish, Scottish and English. I still have family in Ireland and believe ethnicity is an important part of many people’s lives, even if they don’t realize it or identify with it.
”I personally benefited more from one hour on the phone with Kathy (when I finally gave her permission to unleash her insight on me personally) than from years of therapy…. Kathy is smart, funny, articulate and no hypocrite — she practices everything she recommends as a psychologist in her personal life. I can’t recommend her highly enough as a speaker, writer, consultant and mental health professional.”
-Jon Cooksey, Writer/Director/Producer/Showrunner. Rugrats, The Collector, How to Boil a Frog. Los Angeles, California
I just did a day and a half presentation to Marriage and Family Therapists in Arizona through the Couples Therapy Interest Group of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. The focus was on how the nature of couples therapy is changing with a new generation of Millennials and new approaches to sexual issues. Only 8% see any stigma attached to going to couples therapy and many already have. Go Millennials!
In January 2015, I presented to clinicians from all over the world on the topic of High Functioning Autism in Marriage, through the Couples Institute in California. This is a training institute for the Developmental Method of Couples Therapy.
They liked it, and asked for more. I presented on Clinical Issues in High Functioning Autism in Marriage, also through the Couples Institute, in May 2015.
In February, 2014, I was honored to present the Gottman Method Couples Therapy approach to a room full of my colleagues in a conference called “Couples on the Edge: Working with Relationships from Multiple Perspectives.” I was one of six presenters with approaches including Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, Narrative, Bowen, Developmental, and Imago. It was sponsored by The Massachusetts Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. A year later, in 2015, I was back presenting to Massachusetts clinicians on "Deconstructiong Sexuality in Couples Therapy" with three other colleagues.
It's been the sweetest month I've ever had in our marriage. I know that we'll hit plenty of bumps ahead. But for the first time in a long time it feels like my teammate, my partner has shown up.
So this email is simply to say "thank you." Thank you for giving us the tools and the hope that things would change if we wanted them to. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for giving me my husband back and for listening when we were at our rock bottom.
-Wife, Cross-cultural couple, Recent Couples Retreat Participant
· Issues in Childhood Sexuality.
· Sexual Awareness for Women.
· Sex and the Newly Single.
· Sexuality in Mid-Life.
· Age & Its Impact on Men/Women
– Massachusetts State Division of American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy – 1992-1996; 2013-2015
–American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy.
–American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT).
…About your situation, and how I might be helpful. I work with the most highly distressed of couples who are strongly motivated to improve their marriage.
Fully Certified by the Gottman Institute
8 Day Core Skills Training
Board-Certified Sex Educator and
Sex Therapy Diplomate for 30 years (retired)
Clinical Fellow, 2x Former Board Member American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists
Master’s Program in Counseling Psychology in the Department of Applied Psychology at Antioch University New England
- Couples Therapy: New Demands for a Changing Time. 2019.
- High Functioning Autism in Marriage, through the Couples Institute in California. 2015
- Clinical Strategies with High Functioning Autism / Neurotypical marriages. 2015.
· Facilitated the Sexuality "Open Forums" - for five years (two years co-facilitating with David Schnarch, Ph.D.)
· Promoting Sexual Health in Communities and Families ~ Anaheim, CA.
· Contextualizing Aggression & Eroticism: Does Schnarch's Model Create a Pressure Cooker for Women?
· Tangled Truths – Helping Couples with the Aftermath of Sexual Trauma. Moderator. Northampton, MA
· Couples on the Edge – Gottman Method Couples Therapy, Northampton, MA
· Sexual/Ethical Issues in Systemic Therapy. First Friday Seminar, Marlboro, MA
· Taming the Anxiety and Inviting the Dialogue (Patient Sexuality). Grand Rounds. Albany Medical Center, Albany, NY
· The Diagnosis and Treatment of Sexual Dysfunctions.
· Postpartum Adaptation in High-Risk Mothers.
· Sexual Adjustment in Pregnancy & Postpartum.
· “Is There Sex After Birth?”: A Re-examination of Postpartum Sexuality
· Threats to Female Body Image; Methods of Sexual Assessment, South Shore District Conference· Human Sexuality: Definitions & Directions (Keynote Address); Beyond Guilt and Aggression: A Look at Assertiveness Strategies for Nurses; Self-Image in Sex Counseling; The Nurse's Role as a Sex Education Resource. Annual Convention.