Here’s something you probably know already, but I will invite you to look at it differently.

Are you a morning person or a night person?

Social scientists  have a casual shorthand for each chrono-type; “Larks” and “Owls.” Larks are early to bed and early to rise, while Owls are at their best at night and may turn in much later than their Lark spouses.

It’s not as clean and neat as “either-or.” But for many couples, it can seem that way. You’ll have a lot of different kinds of work to manage now. Understanding your individual circadian rhythms is an important first step.

New research has uncovered two additional chronotypes; “high-energy” spouses who are larks in the morning but hang out at night like Owls and “lethargic” spouses who are late risers in the morning but turn in early like Larks at night.

However, Lark-Owl is the dominant paradigm that resonates with most couples. It has withstood the test of time in research over the past 40 years.

What’s needed here is a healthy mutual sense of your individual “Morningness” and “Eveningness.”

What are Morningness and Eveningness?

These four chronotypes reveal different morning/evening preferences. Your differing levels of Morningness and Eveningness will powerfully impact which of you is more energetic and alert at any given time.

Researchers have been studying Larks and Owls for quite some time. Here are some interesting differences between these two most common chronotypes:

  • Franklin was Mostly Wrong. Larks are not any more healthy or wise than Owls. Owls are, in fact, often more intelligent and more accomplished.
  • Owls Like Novelty. Several studies have connected Owls and novelty seeking. They tend to be a bit more restless. The owls’ tendency to take risks might explain why they tend to be more financially successful.
  • Owls are More Likely to Have Bed Habits because they are restless, they tend to overeat, drink, smoke and carouse more than Larks.
  • Larks are More Likely to be Goody-Two-Shoes. Larks are more agreeable, conscientious, cooperative, proactive, and persistent than Owls. They also tend not to procrastinate.
  • Larks are More Upbeat. Research says larks have a more positive affect. Franklin was right on this. They do tend to be happier.
  • Owls Live with Perpetual Social Jetlag. When the world works on a different diurnal schedule, it may result in sleep loss and general crankiness.
  • Larks Get More Sleep. Larks have a better sleep rhythm, are awake, feel more rested, and get more minutes of higher-quality sleep than Owls.
  • Creativity may be Highest During Your “Off-Hours.” a 2011 study by psychologists Mareike Wieth and Rose Zacks suggests that when you’re a little tired, your creativity may be able to offer more insight. This is the incubation period described in the Zeigarnik Effect.

6 Tips for Larks and Owls

  •  Talk about this. Have a conversation about this issue. When are you at your best…and when are you not? How is your partner similar or different from you? And what are the implications for who does what and when? Drill down into this question of Larks and Owls more deeply. It will help you to organize your household and minimize marital conflict.
  • Be Gracious. If you’re a Lark, any morning conversation with your Owl spouse will be fraught with peril. Don’t pepper your Owl with questions, overload them with information, or make unnecessary noise in the morning. Rein in your eagerness and let them rise to the occasion at their own speed.
  • Don’t Label Your Partner or Act Superior. Just because you’re up early doesn’t mean your Owl spouse is lazy. They’re conforming to their chrono-type, as you are. And stop being annoyed if your Lark spouse falls asleep in front of the TV. Be patient with each other and respect your differences.
  • Find Your Best Time Together. Pay attention to when both of you are in a “good enough” state of alertness. Prioritize these golden hours together and put them to your best use.
  • Don’t Try to Change Your Chronotype or Your Partner’s. Sleep hygiene is critical. Don’t try to change each other. Work creatively with who you are.
  • Take Advantage of the Benefits. Some tasks seem to silo into Lark or Owl timelines naturally. One of the advantages of Lark/Owl couples is that they can sensibly assign certain tasks.

Larks, Owls, and Marital Harmony

Spouses have a genetic predisposition to either rise early or go to bed late. A sleep divorce is not your only option.

During this period of hunkering down and working from home, partners are more likely to have more marital conflict unless they adjust to each other to avoid getting out of sync with their perhaps differing circadian rhythms.

For now, you’ll be working from home, perhaps also temporarily homeschooling and running the household.

You’ll be attempting to do all of this with a social-distancing mindset. This means you will need to work more closely as a team than ever before.

Start by allocating time alone in the early morning or late evening for high-focus work, if possible. Maximize your time together, and take on chores that make sense for your chrono-type.

Start by looking at the question of Larks and Owls in your marriage, and accept your differences with patience and resilience.