Our relationship was in a state of crisis. It is still in a state of crisis. Although we have many moments of joy, the underlying issues of her distrust and anger as a result of my actions have continued. That said, the intensive with Dan was very productive. He provided very useful research on relationships and, as we requested, tied that to our faith's religious writings naturally.
What hesitation did you have about starting couples therapy with us?
The hesitation was in whether my wife remained committed enough to the relationship to justify the time.
What changes resulted in your marriage/relationship from your work with Couples Therapy Inc.?
We have gained some skills for communicating during conflict. We have made use of Dan's evening prayer thanking God for each other. We have taken the time for longer prayer with each other (at times, although not consistently). We have defused conflict at times using Dan's suggested methods.
Dan is a very thoughtful guy. He met us where we were. He is direct. He weaved in scientific studies and our religious writings with great skill. We very much enjoyed working with him and did not have any notable negative feedback.
Like I said above, I think it has given us some good skills for dealing with conflict. I also think that the information about the consequences of contempt in the relationship, and harsh words generally, was eye opening. We continue to struggle with that as my wife remains very hurt and angry. It is a struggle. But knowing the science behind the result of harsh words has better enabled me to deal with it and keep moving forward.
Would you recommend your couples therapist and Couples Therapy Inc? If so, why?
Yes. I already have recommended it. It is the science-based approach that really makes it worthwhile.
This would be an option I'd highly recommend to anyone who needs couples therapy, especially in our situation as expats living outside of the USA."
It would have been much more difficult if we did not have your support. While it wasn't until later in life you chose this path, I am grateful that you did! From our very first encounter, I could tell you were genuine, kind, and best of all, down-right blunt! Those qualities are just what I needed to help guide me down the path of self-reflection....
Thank you for giving us a safe place to talk, cry, laugh and in my case, shut down. Our time spent with you has had a tremendous impact on our relationship and has helped us both take the time to reflect on what we need to focus on going forward.
Your support and guidance this past year will have a lasting impact on me throughout my life...I believe in my heart you were put on this earth to help people and I am genuinely grateful I was among those people.
Words cannot express how thankful I am for everything.
We were tense before we came. We briefly tried couples therapy before. Jennifer Elkins left us with a better understanding of what caused the problems, we're better able to work through them. I loved it that she could relate to my ADHD issues and had a clear understanding of the stress it causes. She was warm and empathetic, and we BOTH felt an immediate and sustained connection. She was easy to trust on every level. We left understanding the causes, tools to get out of the immediate conflict, and renewed commitment. Obviously my experience was a good one in the end, but I was uncertain in the beginning.
When I looked in the mirror on Monday morning, I saw, for the first time, a loved and lovable woman looking back at me. The woman looking back at me was not defective, not broken, not crazy. I didn't, until that moment, realize how much contempt I felt for myself all these years.
Imagine the joy I felt! And the gratitude!
There are no words to adequately express how grateful I am for the weekend my husband and I spent with you. You provided invaluable insight that, with time and practice, will help us navigate our marriage as well as our relationships with our children and extended family in a loving, supportive way. I walked away with so much hope, to the point of bursting with it. The concept of developmental trauma explains so much about the dynamics within our relationship, and still has us reeling when we think about the impact it has had not only on us but on so many other people. I can only imagine the difference it would make if it were more widely recognized."
Dan's most admirable quality as our therapist was that he seemed to genuinely want us to stay together and work to fix our marriage. I never felt like he was just coldly and indifferently going through the academic motions of a therapist.
His input felt more like a family member with a lot of training and wisdom advising us on how to better communicate, understand each other, and unpack our various individual and joint issues. Dan had a genuine humility, which made his at times challenging demands of us much more palatable. I never felt bullied or obligated to do anything.
I just wanted to thank you for providing me with the opportunity to work with Daniel Dashnaw. It has been a wonderful experience for me and a true source of joy during a very difficult time in my life. He is a man of wisdom and I truly enjoyed the learning adventure he so skillfully crafted with me.