Proof. Results. Real Relationship change. Read about couples who spent the time and invested their resources and got practical, tangible change and became friends and lovers again.
Our relationship was in a state of crisis. It is still in a state of crisis. Although we have many moments of joy, the underlying issues of her distrust and anger as a result of my actions have continued. That said, the intensive with Dan was very productive. He provided very useful research on relationships and, as we requested, tied that to our faith's religious writings naturally.
The hesitation was in whether my wife remained committed enough to the relationship to justify the time.
Results? We have gained some skills for communicating during conflict. We have made use of Dan's evening prayer thanking God for each other. We have taken the time for longer prayer with each other (at times, although not consistently). We have defused conflict at times using Dan's suggested methods.
Dan is a very thoughtful guy. He met us where we were. He is direct. He weaved in scientific studies and our religious writings with great skill. We very much enjoyed working with him and did not have any notable negative feedback.
Like I said above, I think it has given us some good skills for dealing with conflict. I also think that the information about the consequences of contempt in the relationship, and harsh words generally, was eye opening. We continue to struggle with that as my wife remains very hurt and angry. It is a struggle. But knowing the science behind the result of harsh words has better enabled me to deal with it and keep moving forward.
Would you recommend your couples therapist and Couples Therapy Inc? If so, why? Yes. I already have recommended it. It is the science-based approach that really makes it worthwhile.
You completely saved my marriage. What you people do truly matters.
Marriage counseling and therapy is so TABOO --- and it should not be. It horrified me to know that no one talks openly about this with friends and family --- like you must be some freak of nature if you have marriage problems you can't work through on your own. I have zero shame in saying that we needed help badly --- and because of being willing to get help before it was too late we are both going to be able to have personal satisfaction and happiness, joy, love, and a spirit that this is my life --- I only have one life --- I am not going to sit back and waste it!!
I am writing to express my/our deep appreciation for Nancy St. John. We are a married couple of 24 years and have been actively considering divorce for the past several months. As a last ditch effort, we let go of our previous marriage therapist and began working with Nancy, first in 3 sessions online, and then an intensive in Ireland. She has been an extraordinary support for both of us. Her style is both structured and flexible. She listens exceedingly well. She brings evidence-based research into the mix. Perhaps most of all, she is optimistic, though not in an unrealistic way. She has been instrumental in helping us develop new patterns of communication and engagement.
We are very, very grateful.
Hesitations? I really had none. I wanted to save my marriage and I had no other good options at the time. We tried couples therapy in the past and it was unsuccessful. Our marriage was in crisis due to a long term affair. The core issues we wished to determine if we both wished to work to save our marriage, to gain a more clear understanding of why and how the affair started and problems existed in our marriage before the affair that made it possible. We gained some understanding on how and why the affair started and we were both able to make a commitment to work to save our marriage. Daniel was knowledgeable, direct with us, able to connect with us both; he was sincere, caring, empathetic and understanding. I could not have asked for anyone more helpful than he.
Benefits? An understanding of how and why my affair happened, an understanding of how to be more helpful to my spouse to promote healing, how to deal with anger. I believe I will wish to have additional ongoing sessions after the two included, to ensure we are on the right track, to help us through difficult problems as they develop, and answer questions we have.
I would recommend CTI and Daniel to anyone needing therapy for Marital issues, especially an intensive which I found very helpful.
Thanks for being there.
Our marriage was in dire straights. We had trust and communications problems. We had tried couples therapy before, but very successfully. And I was concerned that my wife would not be an active participant...
However, vital issues were cleared up. We have better communication and more trust.
Dr. Gorman was our couples therapist. She asked pertinent and vital questions. Was able to direct the sessions in the right direction for constructive results. She could have been more challenging, perhaps. I don't know. However, yes I would recommend it. We got very positive results. Our intensive prevented a divorce, increased communication, and we're able to enjoy each other again.
I recommend it. It takes a lot of work but it is worth it in spades.
Wife: On the brink of divorce. Emotional control and domination on my husbands part.
Husband: Had more communication issues with my spouse.
Wife: I was hesitant about spending the money not knowing if it would make a difference.
Husband: I had no hesitation.
Wife: It's only been 10 days it's hard to know if the change is permanent but we are using the tools in how to better communicate and express my feelings without making my partner feel threatened.
Husband: Listen, be patient hear your spouse.
Had you tried couples therapy before?
Wife: Traditional marriage counseling once a week for 6 months. Things just seemed to get worse.
Husband: No we had not heard of couples therapy (inc?).
Who was your therapist? What did you like most/least?
Wife: Daniel. I loved his directness and expertise knowledge. I felt heard, known, seen and understood.
Husband: Upfront and forward. I feel that this was a one-sided therapy and that it looked at the individual that was hurt the most. No effort to determine if the other person had any validity. I can see why this was done but the other person also needs some listening to.
Would you recommend your couples therapist and Couples Therapy Inc?
What benefits resulted?
Wife: Better communication skills. Anger under control. A better understanding of my emotional state.
Husband: I feel we are closer and my spouse has put some walls down, is willing to let go some of the past behind us, although she still wants to know why. We never discussed the root causes and she wants closure.
Wife: It was a very productive and enjoyable experience. I would have easily welcomed another 1/2 or full day.
I want to thank you for getting us in to see Dr.Vagdevi as quick as you did. My wife and I learned so much about each other and ourselves while attending. Dr.V was amazing!! My wife and I would like to set up some more face-to-face time with her. Please let me know what I need to do to schedule sessions going forward.
Wanted to thank you and the Couples Therapy Team for all the hard work and dedication you and the team showed over the last 3 weeks. Now, my wife and I have a foundation to repair our marriage and we can’t thank you enough.
Our only hesitation was just the cost. It is not cheap and I imagine many cannot afford it. We were heading to divorce, and it definitely helped a lot. It improved our relationship significantly. We tried some local people, who were pretty bad and seemed to only make things worse.
Daniel is very direct. He also is clearly knowledgable about the science. He has two tactics for doing solution- and action-oriented steps to solving things, and getting them off the 'plate'. We got (1) more insight into the issues we were having; (2) We got some solutions for improving things, and; (3) We have an improved outlook.
I'd suggest the possibility of on-going therapy, at some cost, say, each week or two weeks. We began to backslide since we just went to the one weekend and had nothing more after.
Dr. Gorman, I wanted to thank you again for this past weekend. I was anxious going into the weekend knowing it would be a difficult one, and it was. But I don't think we could have selected a better therapist. You put me at ease from the first evening we were together. I appreciated how thorough you were going through our Big Big Book. I am amazed at how many times you referenced something we said or a family member we talked about by name.
Your genuine interest/concern for us came through very clearly to me. It made me feel very comfortable and able to express the things I haven't been able to previously. I learned a lot about myself and how I chose the path I did (even though sub-consciously in many ways).
I am also grateful for the tools you gave us to help communicate more effectively. I do believe that my partner and I have both tried really hard and we are both good people. Although he and I are still struggling with how to act around one another, I am hopeful we will work together to improve that.
Our departure on Sunday from your office felt very sudden (although I knew our time was winding down). We were also so emotionally drained at that point, I didn't feel I gave you a proper goodbye. I really want you to know how much I appreciate everything you did for us.
My husband and I both agreed on our ride home (regardless of the outcome of our relationship/marriage) that we were glad we went.
Dr. K When I looked in the mirror on Monday morning, I saw, for the first time, a loved and lovable woman looking back at me. The woman looking back at me was not defective, not broken, not crazy. I didn't, until that moment, realize how much contempt I felt for myself all these years. Imagine the joy I felt! And the gratitude!
There are no words to adequately express how grateful I am for the weekend my husband and I spent with you. You provided invaluable insight that, with time and practice, will help us navigate our marriage as well as our relationships with our children and extended family in a loving, supportive way. I walked away with so much hope, to the point of bursting with it. The concept of developmental trauma explains so much about the dynamics within our relationship, and still has us reeling when we think about the impact it has had not only on us but on so many other people. I can only imagine the difference it would make if it were more widely recognized."
Our relationship was positive and in recovery, but we still struggled with deep attachment wounds we had individually and later, between us. We are both earnest and comprehensive in the life we are seeking together. We have many new tools to work through together. We are learning how to communicate amygdala-to-amygdala. The Gottman practical skills are also a useful framework for day-to-day conflict. We are still internalizing bigger messages about our own development and how that fits into our marriage.
Who was your couples therapist? Excellent. We appreciated Dr. McMahon's direct approach, breadth of knowledge and ability to see our situation from a new and fresh perspective.
Most: She knows what she is doing in complicated situations and has the confidence to address issues she sees in a direct way. Least: We needed more time to digest in pieces.
The weekend format was great and is likely the best format for couples that need very intensive and consistent intervention. However, the BEST format for us would be 3 hours every two weeks for 12 weeks or something like that. Our issues are intense, but we are not in crisis. I think we do best when we can work intensely, close that down, break for several days/week, process, distil our questions down to one or two and then come back to answer those. We fatigued, but I think the issues still have energy. Our issues were marathons - not sprints.
What changes resulted?
1. A fresh perspective on our unique issues. 2. New skills to practice and utilize tailored specifically to our relationship. 3. Hope.
What follow-up services would be helpful?
A summary of Dr. McMahon's impressions for each individual and then the couple/marriage. Three paragraphs of her straight impressions and advice. No nonsense. Big picture. Summary.
I would recommend Dr. McMahon without hesitation.
We tried couples therapy before, briefly. It was terrible.
We had one issue of my sexuality turning into a sticking point (polyamory...) We loved Dan! Mostly, the fact that he participated. Not just a cheerleader or as he would say, a "powder puff."
I have hope. I want to stay. I feel calmer. We have a new understanding of each other. We are having different, better conversations.
The sheer amount of time you get to devote to the marriage is valuable. The scientific approach made sense as well.
Very positive experience.
I spent most of my marriage not knowing it could be as rich as this last month as been. I felt the "switch," over this last month, and it's felt like living in sunshine instead of shadows. My husband and I haven't had a fight in months, even while navigating normally very tense waters including dealing with our families, and even buying a house! They've turned into discussions....
Dr. K, I'm not kidding, it's been the sweetest month I've ever had in our marriage. I know that we'll hit plenty of bumps ahead, but for the first time in a long time, it feels like my teammate, my partner, has shown up.
So this email is simply to say "thank you." Thank you for giving us the tools, and the hope that things would change if we wanted them to. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for giving me my husband back, and for listening when we were at our rock bottom."
1. I am a better communicator with my wife
2. I know when to disengage from overheated situations
3. I have a deeper understanding of why I have done the things I've done.
"Feeling heard, having tools, trusting each other more..."
"We have the skills for coping when I get crazy angry. We are talking better. I realize if I criticize him he's only going to get defensive so I use my words carefully! Also, that how you speak to someone makes a difference in the results you get. We use the results of how well we know each other and where we scored as a couple to help us also in seeing that we still have enough left in this relationship to work on it."
"My husband has torn down the walls of defensiveness, combativeness, and manipulation. We are working on re-establishing trust, connecting through different communication tools, and have a common goal of wanting to have a marriage worth our happiness. I feel free. We both feel like we don't have to pretend or hide anymore - We have been able to talk about any and everything this week and it feels so freeing."
1) We walked away knowing we should not face things as us against each other, but rather us against the problem.
2) I got my best friend back.
3) Vulnerabilities were revealed, but I feel safe in them now.
(1) I have hope; (2) I have real tools to use, and; (3) a structured strategy to work on our marriage.
We were looking to improve on conflict resolution and to improve our communication skills on subjects where there is disagreement.
Marisa was very professional, very approachable and disarming. We immediately felt at ease and comfortable talking to her. I really can't think of a criticism of her.
What changes resulted in your marriage from the work you did?
It was a powerful weekend - that we both enjoyed. We both came away with a fresh perspective on each other. We have a deeper understanding of why each of us reacts the way we do on certain issues. I believe we will have a stronger relationship due to the weekend and be better at resolving conflicts without anger. We were very pleased.
We left with: 1) better perspective on each other's positions and why we are like we are on certain topics 2) better communication techniques on areas of disagreement. 3) we learned how damaging anger can be and how to avoid it.
For us - it was exactly what we needed. it was an intense, weekend, but very very helpful. I thought the time allowed was great - the one on one sessions were very good and beneficial. Marisa was really good - we identified with her. She is very affirming, warm and sincere. the whole weekend exceeded our expectations.
Absolutely would recommend.
We were on the brink of divorce and had trust, infidelity, communication, partnership issues. My husband thought we couldn't possibly benefit from just three days. Marisa was down to earth, genuine, kind, nonjudgmental, a good listener, creative, funny, sincere, caring, compassionate. I feel like she was truly partnering with us to save our relationship. She showed that she cared about us early on and seemed to have a vested interest in seeing us succeed together and to learn to love each other better than we ever thought was possible.
Dan's most admirable quality as our therapist was that he seemed to genuinely want us to stay together and work to fix our marriage. I never felt like he was just coldly and indifferently going through the academic motions of a therapist.
His input felt more like a family member with a lot of training and wisdom advising us on how to better communicate, understand each other, and unpack our various individual and joint issues. Dan had a genuine humility, which made his at times challenging demands of us much more palatable. I never felt bullied or obligated to do anything.
We had trust and intimacy issues. I was afraid there would be no resolution and tension for the entire weekend.
Instead, we have hope, a restored trust, and a plan.
Angela was patient and just very effective at getting us to recognize issues.
I'd like to have refresher weekends on an annual basis.
What problems brought you to Couples Therapy Inc?
Frequent frictions were cooling the relationship. Wanted to improve communication and anxiety. New hope for our future together.
Had you been to couples therapy before?
Yes. We tried couples therapy once 3 years ago, with some partial results.
Self-discovery, understanding of empathy, issues diagnostics.
Partner One: We spent quite a bit of time talking about what we learned at the retreat... It's very often a part of our breakfast discussions! I learned so much and I am thankful that Nancy reminded us of our strengths as I think we focused too much on the issues before we arrived. I think we are staying "balanced" more often and getting out of those quadrants that were so distressing. Our communication is much better and I can really see the effort my partner is making especially when we are making decisions and have different views. I think I am able to get back to the center much faster than before and that is a big relief for me.
Yesterday we identified how we aspire to be in our relationship... FUN, LOVING AND SUPPORTIVE.
We have stickies around the house to remind us so we can make sure we behave this way. My partner actually said the word fun and that was such a breath of fresh air for me. I now see our relationship being more like the one when we first met...I guess we are moving forwards in the relationship continuum and that gives me hope for a great future together.
Partner Two: Just wanted to echo [my partner's] feeling of a more natural flow of our relationship after our intensive. I have a sense of better stability (boundaries reset?) and feel a lower drive to establish my point of view /opinion in a firm and urgent way like I used to do ( grandiosity down-titration?).
I feel more centered particularly towards the little challenges of house life that now do not seem important anymore. Our frictions have diminished in frequency and in intensity, probably not yet at a level we would be fully satisfied with, but certainly giving us much more room to breathe and open up to each other in a safe environment. I think the path to self-actualization is open for both of us and I sense I have much less anxiety thinking about us doing different things sometimes, just to allow mutual inter-dependence to flourish.
Interestingly, I have less tension in dealing with stressful situations also outside of the house, and I stopped biting my nails since I came back from Ireland.
Nancy had transparency, integrity, and empathy. I am looking forward to our next session.
Would you recommend her and Couples Therapy Inc?
Yes, in fact, I already did. It is a powerful combination of science-based insight and personal, tailored approach.
So I would describe our marriage as troubled but not in crisis. Communications, interactions, sex were issues. I think there was an immediate bounce (in relating), and unless one stays on focus, things can become troubled again... Jennifer used personal experience a great deal. Three benefits from working in this retreat?
Finding reasons for why we are who we are;
learning more about each other; and
learning to feel what the other is feeling...
I'd absolutely recommend Jenn and Couples Therapy Inc.
It was well done and would do it again...
I just wanted to thank you for providing me with the opportunity to work with Daniel Dashnaw. It has been a wonderful experience for me and a true source of joy during a very difficult time in my life. He is a man of wisdom and I truly enjoyed the learning adventure he so skillfully crafted with me.
This would be an option I'd highly recommend to anyone who needs couples therapy, especially in our situation as expats living outside of the USA."
We are getting a divorce, but I wanted to understand how we got there and figure out how to move forward.
I feel like it's not all my fault that our relationship failed, now. I'm dealing with my childhood issues. We also have points of reference from our weekend that help us communicate better for sake of kids.
We communicate better now. I am working on my stuff.
I liked her toughness, depth of knowledge and challenges to us. I liked her working with us even though we were not both on the same page.
Would you recommend Couples Therapy Inc.?
Yes, it helps to get away and focus on your stuff. I learned a lot about us.
Dr. K, I'm glad we worked with you. It was inspiring and comforting to know what good help is available if you don't wait too long to seek it out.
On a scale of 1-10, we were a 3.
We had tried weekly sessions, a long time ago, with little luck.
The core issue for me was to find a better way to resolve contentious issues between us.
Frankly, there were very few reviews of CTI online, but I liked the plan for the weekend, and the communication beforehand with Max was helpful and inspired confidence.
Max was very diligent about using our time to the utmost and made excellent decisions about how to get past our personal resistances.
He showed great insight into the linchpin issues. I believe we have much better ways to resolve issues now, and I have much better hope for our future as a couple.
We're very happy we undertook the program. We were lucky to have an excellent therapist... We're grateful.
Nancy is that rare and wonderful combination of kind, compassionate, clear and focused. She is an amazing listener, but simply being heard (with past marriage counselors) has never been enough. With her as our skillful guide, we were able to each get at core concerns and reach a deeper understanding of what we are bringing to the table. We also felt she was a cheerleader and totally in our corner. We had a difficult but wonderful weekend and left feeling changed and with new hope for our future together.
Daniel, It would have been much more difficult if we did not have your support. While it wasn't until later in life you chose this path, I am grateful that you did! From our very first encounter, I could tell you were genuine, kind, and best of all, down-right blunt! Those qualities are just what I needed to help guide me down the path of self-reflection....
Thank you for giving us a safe place to talk, cry, laugh and in my case, shut down. Our time spent with you has had a tremendous impact on our relationship and has helped us both take the time to reflect on what we need to focus on going forward.
Your support and guidance this past year will have a lasting impact on me throughout my life...I believe in my heart you were put on this earth to help people and I am genuinely grateful I was among those people.
Words cannot express how thankful I am for everything.
Angela was a wonderful therapist and truly advocated for both of us, and our relationship throughout the weekend intensive. Her approach was thoughtful, logical and easy to follow. She listened to our concerns and organized the weekend in a meaningful way to cover many of our needs. The feedback she provided was constructive and professional.
I really feel a great sense of relief.
The follow-up work and reading she gave us provided a framework we need to continue the work on our own.
I would definitely recommend Angela to others looking for couples counseling.
We have tried couples therapy before and it helped in improving our relationship to a certain extent. But it was heading nowhere. I was not sure how to continue with the relationship, I had no direction. I could not bring myself to be intimate with my partner.
Results? Angela had some good methods & tools that helped us to understand and communicate with each other better. She was also good at identifying the underlying issue in the preliminary session itself. I came aware of some deep rooted issues/disappointments that I wasn't aware of before the therapy. Understanding those issues made a lot of difference in improving our relationship.
1. I could see what the core issues were for me. 2. I no longer feel angry towards my partner. 3. I see potential for my relationship with my partner to improve.
Would you recommend? Yes, I would recommend it to couples who are at stumble block with their direction in their relationship. Those who don't know why they want to stay or leave the relationship.
However, unlike my other therapist, Angela did not pay much attention to how uncomfortable we were during the sessions. It is very important that certain ambiance is created for a 2-day continuous therapy session. Comfortable seating is very important as I was uncomfortable with the furniture and as a result, I was getting agitated at certain points. The room, though was a small space could have been decorated to ease the mood of the participants. It was very bare and wasn't very inviting for therapy.
NOTE FROM ANGELA: "The continued comfort of my clients is extremely important to me. Couples Therapy Inc. and I invite comments like these and encourage all of our clients to speak up immediately in session whenever they are unsettled, so we can enhance their comfort. Heating and cooling needs vary from client to client. However, I've made changes to my office seating (replacing the Italian leather loveseat with a full-sized sofa) in response to this comment, and I invite this client to contact me to allow me to make amends for any physical discomfort he/she endured during their time with me..."
How would you describe your relationship before you called Couples Therapy Inc.?
My partner and I were completely stuck on the core issue of sex (or absence of) in our relationship. We had tried repeatedly through the past several years to heal this. We were unable to do that through traditional marriage counseling or through numerous discussions between the two of us.
What hesitation did you have about starting couples therapy with us?
The only hesitation was financial. We were otherwise very eager to try anything for help.
What changes resulted in your marriage/relationship from your work with Couples Therapy Inc.?
Dan changed the entire context of the conversation. Dan brought my husband and I to an entirely new space and allowed us to communicate around this issue in a brand new way. It was truly transformational.
Had you considered or tried couples therapy before? If so, how successful or unsuccessfully was it?
Yes. Very unsuccessful.
What specific qualities did you like most and least about working with this therapist?
I loved Dan's bluntness. He was direct and concise. Dan understood me and my issues in a way no therapist ever has before. I have had years of individual therapy - no one had come close to figuring me out the way Dan did. I loved his knowledge. He is so well read and provided an abundance of scientific research to back up his comments.
Would you recommend your couples therapist and Couples Therapy Inc? If so, why?
Yes. Absolutely. I would say you could condense 10 years of therapy into a weekend. I would especially recommend Dan for people with Developmental Trauma.
I would especially recommend Dan for people with Developmental Trauma.
What three benefits resulted from working with Couples therapy Inc?
I understood that the husband in my head is not the same person as the husband who I am married to. I learned how my childhood trauma is impacting my ability to connect with my husband. I learned that my husband loves me.
We were going through a difficult time. I wasn't completely sure what to expect from the weekend. My husband became aware of his sex addiction. Now he is being treated for it.
I liked how Dr. K & Daniel worked as a team. Yes, they did a great job.
Would you recommend them?
Yes, they did a great job.
Desire to work on our marriage,
Knowledge of addiction, &
Accepting treatment for it
Our relationship was in real trouble. We were disconnected from each other and didn't know how to bridge the gap. Hesitations? My real fear was that it wouldn't work or my husband would be uncooperative.
Therapist: Daniel Dashnaw. Where to start? He was AWESOME. We appreciated his candor, honesty, kindness, sensitivity, practical - solutions based approach. Would you recommend him and Couples Therapy Inc? ABSOLUTELY.
Practical Outcome? We have a much better understanding of each other and were given a set of tools that put us on the path to recovery. 1- We got to the root of our troubles, 2- we know how to repair our relationship, 3- I learned how to address my own challenges.
Not sure, how else to be helpful. Additional follow-ups as/if needed.
I am truly, deeply grateful.
We were in dire straits. I wanted the verbal abuse to cease and I was concerned that my husband would not respect the therapist. We had been to couples therapy before, and it was not successful in teaching us tools that we could use. I liked the fact that Dr. K was not afraid to take on our strong personalities even when it was uncomfortable.
Would you recommend Couples Therapy Inc?
Yes, a million times.
What changes resulted?
Plan of action
We are both hopeful and we have a plan.
Life changing, earth shattering, amazing changes -- I am not kidding when I say this absolutely hands down saved our marriage, saved our lives... I was so unhappy and I am now looking at the world differently, knowing I have a partner with me in this life that I once felt so alone in... We have a lot of work to do -- but we are both committed to this and following through with the changes ... I cannot believe that this had such an immediate impact on us and I am forever, forever grateful. I will be recommending you to any of my friends or family that ever is faced with some serious relationship troubles...
My main hesitation was just opening up and telling someone about the personal issues we were dealing with and some of the root causes for our problems. We had considered couples therapy before, but this was the first time we ever met someone to discuss our issues.
I was reluctant to open up to a total stranger.
Daniel was very understanding of our problems. He spoke to us in a way we could easily relate to. He didn't judge our mistakes but gave us tools as to how to correct and avoid them in the future. Dan helped us remember how great our marriage and relationship was at one point and taught us how we can get back to that place or even a better place in the future.
We've been more connected, our communication has been much better than before, and we are better at addressing one another if we disagree.
Our physical connection and closeness has also improved tremendously. Our sex life is much more active.
Dan was amazing. My wife and I have both said how much he helped us, and that we may not have been able to save our marriage without his help.
For that, it's been worth the time and money spent...
His knowledge and insight will follow me for the rest of my life.
We had intimacy problems - No Connection. Angela detected the problem very early on and worked on overcoming this problem. She has given us tools to succeed, and I would say we are almost > than 50% there. I and my wife feel very relieved. Angela was encouraging, empathetic. It solved the problem for us.
What three benefits resulted from working with Couples Therapy Inc?
1. The wall created by my wife between us is down or will come down, as long as I continue following the advice.
2. We are both relieved
3. We are looking forward enthusiastically for a happily ever after life
Thank U Folks For Helping Me, My Wife & My Family
We tried couples therapy several years ago, but it was not successful. Not knowing if therapy would truly help us at the stage we were in - in our marriage, we were reluctant. The core issue of our marriage was discovered and we were able to shed light on it and are now able to approach the issue together. Us against the issue. Daniel approached things head on (with care) - in a way we both could understand and there was no room for doubt on what the issue was and how we need to overcome it. Daniel made us feel comfortable and left us with the feeling of truly being able to take on whatever comes our way.
Daniel is very knowledgeable in his area of expertise and knows the most appropriate way to communicate an action plan and build encouragement. 1) We walked away knowing we should not face things as us against each other, but rather us against the problem. 2) I got my best friend back. 3) Vulnerabilities were revealed, but I feel safe in them now.
Thank you for helping me communicate my vulnerabilities and not feel ashamed of them or concerned I will come across as a weak person for having vulnerabilities. Thank you for pointing out our incredible strengths together. Thank you for being such an incredible part of our healing process.
We thought it might be nice for you to get some feedback on our retreat with Angela. Both my husband and I thought she was excellent. We have seen numerous therapist over the last three years and she by far exceeded all of our expectations. I got there on Friday with a lot of anger over our situation. By the time we left Sunday afternoon I felt free. She had a very nice way of not taking sides yet giving good strong comments and thought-provoking scenarios. She absolutely knew us when we got there and often referred to our history.
She gave us practical tools to use for when I was very upset which included meditation, favorite songs, my partner holding me tight (with a safe word if I did not want that), breathing devices and apps to download. We had struggled with much pain and anger for almost 10 months and by the time we left we felt almost normal again with a new vision of our future and tools to use to improve our communication. Her own experience and having gone through a similar situation was also nice for me in particular. She was extraordinarily easy to talk to and also has a nice sense of humor.
I was skeptical heading into the weekend but now I am so glad that we did it.
We were tense before we came. We briefly tried couples therapy before. Before we even started the counseling, I was slightly concerned about the quality...It's a lot of money to be spending, so I wanted every assurance that it was a polished, professional program!
Jennifer Elkins left us with a better understanding of what caused the problems, we're better able to work through them. I loved it that she could relate to my ADHD issues and had a clear understanding of the stress it causes. She was warm and empathetic, and we BOTH felt an immediate and sustained connection. She was easy to trust on every level. We left understanding the causes, tools to get out of the immediate conflict, and renewed commitment. Obviously my experience was a good one in the end, but I was uncertain in the beginning.
What hesitation did you have about starting couples therapy with us?
Not much, it was geographically close. We hadn't tried couples therapy before. It was a new company, Jenny was a younger therapist, and we had no personal referrals. But we needed therapy to resolve issues that were problematic with this relationship. My husband's former wife and the direction of the relationship were core issues we wanted to resolve.
What specific qualities did you like about this therapist?
Partner One: We like Jenny from the introductory phone call. She was warm, insightful, and made some great interpretations that opened things up as a couple.
Partner Two: Jenny was pleasant and knowledgeable and was able to get to some areas of discussion which were hidden to us before.
What changes resulted in your marriage from the work you did?
Partner One: It's a little early to tell but we seem more patient with each other. We have more patience and we're expressing more emotions.
Partner Two: Time will tell. I was disappointed that after spending [so much time] on the books we didn't seem to focus too much on the results of this undertaking. I asked for a copy of the results but so far this has not happened (It's been 4 days...) Perhaps a specific follow-up to go over findings of the "books."
We received tools and had an opportunity to use one.
Dr. K: The BIG BIG Book guides our treatment interventions. It is not given to couples as a "test" that provides "results" that clients themselves can easily use to "judge" their own marriages. Instead, the results are a "snapshot" in time focused on your relationship dynamics. We tell you about areas where initial intervention will be most helpful, and areas where you are strongest. It takes graduate-level therapists over 35 hours of training from the Gottman Institute to understand how to interpret the results in this work.
We also promise confidentiality of answers because we don't want it to become a bone of contention ("Why did you rate this item so poorly?")
This is the reason we ask every couple completing the BIG BIG Book not to discuss their answers with each other.
We promise confidentiality in answers given in the BIG BIG Book for a reason.
If you are unclear about the areas where you need to focus your energies as a couple, please contact your therapist and ask for a consult to clarify this further. Follow-ups are a great way to gain further understanding of these science-based principles and how they apply to you.
Thanks Dr. R! It was a great marriage retreat weekend and we are so grateful for all you did for us! We will get on our homework and schedule a follow-up soon. Again, many thanks for helping us with your approach and care!
We hadn't been to couples therapy before and this was extremely helpful. We loved Dr. K and wish she was closer. She was compassionate, articulate, understood us, and easy to speak with.
We didn't know if we could make it one more week together. I was praying it was going to help us. However, there is always a certain amount of anxiety with something new.
Results? Well, we are still working on our core issue, but we realize through the therapy what we had, and that our marriage wasn't hopeless. My husband was humbled by it, and he has made many changes that were recommended. She made him see things from a different perspective that I couldn't. He was not sharing with his therapist what he needed to in order to grow and become a better person. He was self-destructive. He now is working on that - which gives me and us hope. We have the skills for coping when I get crazy angry. We are talking better. Also, that how you speak to someone makes a difference in the results you get. I realize if I criticize him he's only going to get defensive so I use my words carefully! We use the results of how well we know each other and where we scored as a couple to help us also in seeing that we still have enough left in this relationship to work on it.
I already have recommended Couples Therapy Inc and Dr. K. Alot of married couples lose what they have over the years and take each other for granted.
They'll invest money in a house or car, when their relationship is most important.
Well, we have a few more sessions with her and I'm looking forward to that. We also set ourselves up with a therapist here.
I just wish we had one more day.
“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” - Friedrich Nietzsche
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. ---Mignon McLaughlin