All posts by Daniel Dashnaw

Why Do Women Cheat?

 Why Do Women Cheat? Why do women cheat? I know someone who has an answer. Helen Fisher is an evolutionary anthropologist at Rutgers University. While not a couples therapist, Helen is an intriguing

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Emotional Abuse and Marital Conflict

A Working Definition of Emotional Abuse Emotional abuse is not the same thing as Domestic Violence. I think of emotional abuse as a combination of two of the Four Horsemen (Contempt and Criticism) standing

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Reframing Your Marital Problem

Reframing Your Marital Problem I don’t care what kind of couples therapy you do, you will be eventually be invited by your therapist to start reframing your marital problem. Why is reframing your

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Male Marriage Counselor: Does Gender Matter?

The Male Marriage Counselor: Does Gender Matter? Should you get a male marriage counselor? Does it matter? It is widely understood that in the broad scheme of human interaction, women do tend to be more

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The Problem of Contempt in Couples Therapy

Contempt is the Worst of the Four Horsemen In previous posts, I have elaborated on four marital behaviors that John Gottman describes with the biblical metaphor, the Four Horsemen. They are Criticism,

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Should I Keep My Affair Secret?

Should I Keep My Affair Secret?…Maybe In therapy, Involved Partners  sometimes ask “Should I keep my affair secret?” It’s fashionable for untrained all-purpose couples therapists

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3 Things You Probably Don’t Know About Forgiveness After an Affair

Forgiveness After an Affair Some all-purpose therapists have pretty quaint notions about forgiveness after an affair. They think that if an affair is disclosed or discovered, the Involved Partner must

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How Could He Do This To Me?

How Could He Do This To Me?…The Crisis of the Hurt Partner In the aftermath of the disclosure or discovery of an affair, most couples are overwhelmed by pain, rage, and guilt. As one of the intake

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Children of Infidelity

Children of Infidelity One of the greatest social fallacies of family life is what I call the Fallacy of Parental Omniscience. Parents often debate about what children should be told about sensitive issues,

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Split-Self Affairs

Split-Self Affairs… a Familiar Pattern in Popular Culture There have been many names given to Split-Self Affairs in research literature; Double-Life Affair, Divided-Self Affair, etc. This is an archetypal

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