Adam Smithey, Ph.D.

Dr. Smithey conducts his Couples Retreat in Indianapolis, Indiana

License

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) Indiana 35001852A​

Education

Ph.D. Capella University, Minneapolis, MN (Counselor Education & Supervision) CACREP 2015.
Smithey, A. R. (2015). Counselors’ emotional reactions when treating couples facing infidelity: A generic qualitative inquiry. (Doctoral Dissertation). 
M.S.  Capella University, Minneapolis, MN (Marriage & Family Therapy) CACPREP, COAAMFT, 2011
B.S. ​Trine University, Angola, IN (Psychology). 2008

Clinical Experience

Private Practice -  Indianapolis, IN (2012- present).

Residential Psychotherapist - Lutheran Child and Family Services, Indianapolis, IN (2011– 2012).

Therapy Intern - Lutheran Child and Family Services, Indianapolis, IN (2010– 2011).

Case Manager - Ireland Home-Based Services, Bloomington, IN (2008).

Dr. Smithey. He is excellent. He has a great ability to empathize with each spouse while also staying objective. I felt he was truly supportive and sincerely cared about our commitment to heal our marriage. His approach to couples therapy is refreshing.
-Recent Couples Retreat Participant

About My Specialty​

I work with all marriages, but I have a particular interest in working with those who have suffered from affairs.

It is estimated that 40-70% of relationships experience affairs. Many marriages face compulsive sexual behaviors such as chronic pornography use, visiting prostitutions, and multiple affairs. It leaves the individuals empty and anxious, and the marriage hollow. It breaks the heart of the resolute spouse.

I've learned that infidelity and compulsive sexual behaviors (often called "sexual addiction") are a symptom, not the disease. The problem could be ‘distance,’ ‘lack of closeness,’ ‘lack of trust,’ ‘loss of identity' or 'poor self-worth.’ Traumatized people have trouble with being intimate. Whatever that problem is, I want to help you see and understand it; define it, team up against it, and banish it from your relationship.  I want you both to heal.

The 'cure' to addictions and affairs is a stronger family life.

My interest in affairs came directly from my own life.  I spent my teen years in a small, rural farm town, and saw dating here as dangerous and exhausting.

It seemed as if every teenaged girl I committed to was seeing someone else on the side. The pain of having an unfaithful partner is nearly indescribable and really impacted me.

I questioned everything:

  • What did I do?
  • How did I push her away?
  • What does he have that I don't?
  • How could I have made her stay?
  • Where did it all go wrong?
  • How do I get her back?

I personalized it, and saw it as a reflection of my own self-worth. I got engaged at a very young age to a woman I later cheated on.  After we broke up, I found out she was cheating on me too. I wanted security but neither one of us had the maturity to make a serious, long-lasting commitment.  It made me question what I actually wanted out of my life.

After meeting my wife, I wanted to learn how to create a bond that couldn't be broken by the pressures of the outside world.

I knew what my core values were, and I knew I could remain faithful to those values.

That began my love affair with couples therapy. 

I often tell my couples that I treat the relationship, not the individual. By identifying relationship obstacles, by naming them, and facing into them, you can then team up against the common ‘enemy’ to banish it from your relationship. Intimacy can be hard work, but it is deeply rewarding.

I have high expectations for myself and for my clients. I can be hopeful when you can't be. I believe in you, and your ability to change.  To start over.  To start again.  I can push when I need to and guide when I need to, to move you past the shame, the anger, and the resentment, and back to 'family.'

I also work with "trailing spouses."  These are men and women who move to a new location, even out of the country,  after their partners have found a great job.  They may have left their own job to follow their spouse, and now have difficulty finding work in this new locale.  It used to be only women caught in this situation, but increasingly I find it true of men as well.  I help them adjust to this new role.

I also work with couples trying to balance work and family issues, farming families, and those adjusting to rural living.

We have talked to several counselors, and Dr. Adam is one of the best: Professional yet warm, like talking to a friend but knowledgeable and insightful. He kept us on track and helped us get to the heart of things.
- Recent Couples Retreat Participant

Evidence-Based Treatment Models

Fully-certified by the Gottman Institute


Working with Complex Couples

A Gottman Approach for Treating Infidelity, PTSD, and Abuse


Professional Affiliations

American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT)



American Counseling Association (ACA):


Awards​

2009-2015 Chi Sigma Iota (CSI) Counseling, Academic, and Professional Honor Society International – Chi Upsilon Chi Chapter, Capella University​

President’s Award, Trine University (2006-2007)

All-American Collegiate Scholar, 2006

Dean’s Award, Trine University​ 2005-2006

I am obsessive about collections – my movie collection approaches 1,000 titles – if I do something, I typically go all in. Also, consider me an heirloom hoarder. Everyone in my family passes heirlooms and such to me because I value the story and appreciate the history more than most..."

Personally Speaking

What do I value more than anything in life?  Family.

The safety, security, trust, empathy, forgiveness, understanding, warmth, caring, and unshifting love that can be family.

I live in the same small rural town I spent my adolescence in. I moved back there as an adult. I like to tell this story:  When I transferred to this new high school mid-year, from a suburban school, it was "Spirit Week's" ‘tractor day.’ I parked right next to a giant combine in my school parking lot!  A culture shock!

It's such a beautiful place, with gently rolling hills, green grass and wide-open fields around every turn.  I wanted to raise my family there.

I have a lovely wife now, and three beautiful children. I wear many hats. In addition to my clinical practice, I'm a stay-at-home dad, as well as a friend, teacher, chef, and chauffeur to my three little ones! I try and encourage my children to have many different experiences, even if that means 3 baths a day after playing in the mud! 

It's a good life.

My passion for being a good Dad comes from my own Father. He taught me the essence of self-sacrifice. Despite his hard worked building a commercial construction company, he was a great Dad who never missed a baseball game or practice. I still go fishing with him every year in Canada.

I also set my own hours so that, like my Dad, I can be at all of my kids' practices and games. I can be there for my family while still providing for them.

I care for my 3 kids with alternating naps from dusk to dawn, have a part-time private practice, and have teamed with my wife to create a nonprofit community fund for the awareness and prevention of child sexual abuse in local communities.

I guess you could say that I fill my free time with busy work to move our dreams forward.

Some kids dream of being an astronaut, a firefighter, or a policeman. 
I have wanted to be a therapist since I was five years old.

I had extreme anger outbursts, mostly directed at my mother as a small child and my parents decided to seek counseling. I don't remember what this Marriage and Family Therapist did or said. All I know is that I became a more self-aware 5-year-old: more patient and respectful of my elders.

And, most importantly, I learned that my way of thinking was not the only way to see the world. While I didn't know the clinical terms at the time, I learned "empathy."  I learned how to consider what my mother might be feeling when I was so angrily disrespectful to her.

I "felt" for her, and I was motivated to be a better son.

My mom has been my greatest supporter and inspiration over the years. She never lost hope and remained positive until her struggle with breast cancer ended in 2011. Even in this tragic situation, her outlook inspired me to keep a positive perspective and remain hopeful in all things.

She was a master gardener. I inherited that passion from her. I was her "muscle" and grew to love the feeling of dirt on my hands, sun on my back, and the workout.

Like my mom, I'm teaching the love of gardening to my own three kids. My wife and I have plant flowers, vegetable, and fruit on our property and add to our garden each year. With just a shovel and a much younger back, I planted over 3000 trees on our acreage!

I take such pride in watching these trees, and my children grow tall and strong.​

Let's set up a consult to talk.

Would you recommend your couples therapist and Couples Therapy Inc? If so, why?

Most definitely yes, I recommend him and Couples Therapy Inc. This couples intensive has given us hope that we never had and tools to help us toward a better, happier future.Thank you for this needed service. I wish more people would consider at least a marriage tune-up every couple of years...
- Recent Couples Retreat Participant

My City​ - Indianapolis

We live outside of Indianapolis; a city voted one of the top 20 cities to visit in the US because it's the ‘Crossroads of America’ (we literally have more interstates coming through our city than any other city). We have a little bit of everything: eclectic dining, sports teams, numerous colleges, and both colorful and welcoming personalities.

Indianapolis has the second most memorials in the US (behind DC) and is home to the world’s largest children’s museum. Indianapolis has something for everyone.

I'm a devoted and loyal Indianapolis Colts fan.

I had given up hope that we would ever be able to connect or communicate. I didn't think it would be possible to ever truly be happy in this marriage.
- Recent Couples Retreat Participant

Philanthropic Involvements

My wife and I have created a community grant that generates funds to stop child sexual abuse. This fundraising effort  partners with local and national agencies to sponsor community training for increased awareness, prevention, and responses to child sexual abuse.

We now have an annual grant that funded its first training in August 2016.  It was the first program of its kind in the surrounding county. We are also considering creating our own nonprofit training agency, to enhance these efforts in other counties and communities in Indiana.

In addition, I created a small private annual fundraiser to benefit the Regional Cancer Center where my Mother received her treatments.  She died of breast cancer in 2011.

Had you tried Couples Therapy before?​

Yes, and it was a miserable waste of time. It seemed to do more damage than anything.

What hesitation did you have about starting couples therapy with us?

I was afraid to dare to hope for improvement again, only to be devastated yet again with failure. The biggest change was finally being able to gain insight into why my husband behaves the way he does. He never could communicate his feelings at all, let alone in a way that I could understand. I did not believe he was capable of empathy or at the least, communicating without judgment. He is actually trying to learn how to listen now. I have finally been able to see my shortcomings [as well] and I have tools to work through them.

- Recent Couples Retreat Participant