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Preventing Senseless Divorces

Years ago, I saw a problem:  A lot of marriages were ending in divorce, even AFTER they saw a marriage counselor.I wondered why was that? What I learned deeply upset me. Despite the fact that evidence-based couples therapy works, (on average, 70-90% of couples), very few practitioners were practicing couples therapy that way.

And the reasons were complicated, but they all came down to two factors:

  1. Health Insurance Companies, and
  2. Psychotherapist's reliance on them for the lion's share of their income.

Insurance Companies Do Not Pay for Couples Therapy

The tiny percentage who do, pay for maybe 10 sessions, and they pay for 45 minute sessions. Anything shorter than 1 hour 20 minutes is NOT evidence-based treatment.

Why Your Insurance Company Won't Pay for Couples Therapy

Insurance companies are in the business of paying for psychiatric conditions, like panic attacks and bipolar disorder. They keep people on the job, and out of psychiatric hospitals.But one study said that over 40% of people wanting counseling, wanted it for their troubled marriages.

So the demand is there.

So Insurance companies "pretend" to pay for Couples Therapy, and All Purpose Therapists "pretend" to do it.

Psychotherapist are, by and large, good people who want to help. So they "pretend" to treat mental illness when doing couples therapy, and bill it that way, to get your insurance company to pay for it.

Only One Problem

Health Insurance pays for 45-minute sessions. Couples therapy, to be effective, takes 1 hour 20-30 minutes. Herein lies the rub, even IF you are willing to defraud insurance companies (and violating your contract...) by writing fake notes and billing incorrectly, you're unlikely to do effective treatment.

Can't I Just Pay for the Other Half of the Treatment?

I'm afraid not.

Insurance companies don't let therapists "balance bill" for the extra time, and nobody (including therapists) wants to work for free or at a 50% reduction.

One other problem.

If you don't get paid to do a particular kind of work, most people don't spend money training in it. Makes sense, right? I know this, because I've spent thousands of dollars trying to find trained couples therapists to employ, and I'm shocked to learn that the therapists THEMSELVES don't even realize they aren't qualified!

This all comes down to one startling fact:The "All Purpose" therapy world is a pretty dangerous place when you have a troubled marriage.I know it sounds like hype. And it would be hype if it weren't so painfully true.

Twenty years ago, when my own marriage was rocky, (and I was a psychologist...) I tried to get us help. The marriage counseling was ineffective, but I didn't realize it. Just as the statistics say, I went 4 times, and stopped. Disheartened. Hopeless.

I thought that my marriage was fatally flawed.I gave up hope and got divorced. And you know what? That story's been repeated, over and over again, thousands, maybe hundreds of thousands of times each year, all across the world...and I was sick of it. There's a heartbreak that comes when a marriage ends. But the real heartbreak happens when the marriage ends without a fight. Do you know that over 50% of couples in one recent study that they never tried harder to keep the marriage together after they left it? (1)

In the next relationship, they still have no good idea how to make this new relationship work. That's Why I Started Couples Therapy Inc. I began with a few guiding principles:I wanted everyone to have a common "evidence-based language." So everyone has to have training in John Gottman's work.

He's been a marital researcher for over 40 years, and he know what behaviors make marriages succeed or fail. I wanted us to be international. And with people speaking many languages

Marriages aren't the same. They are their own separate "cultures." If I hired therapists that were broadly traveled, and from many different cultures, I was more likely to have curious therapists who weren't timid. There is no such thing as a timid, effective couples therapist. You have to like to get in there and shake things up.

We had to do effective couples assessment BEFORE we did any treatment. This was a big No-No in the field.

People I respected said: "Couples won't do it. They will only do assessment AFTER you begin treatment."

You know what? The experts were wrong.

Couples Therapy would be the centerpiece. If we did see individuals, it would be because we were working with their relationships, and they needed more support, as individuals. We would not do "relationship-dectomies" where the individual therapist breaks up the couple, blaming all the problems on the marital partner.

We'd do it differently: In private, marriage retreats, and online. No one has time for anything anymore. Weekly "in-office" therapy can be hard to get to if you live rurally, travel frequently, or live in another country. We reach people in all parts of the world. All you need is a smartphone. Or a weekend. Couples fly in to get intensive help in our marriage retreats.Ask yourself:What would it mean to me to learn to love well again?

  • What if we learned to fight less?
  • What if we stopped being so cold and distant?
  • What if we started having fun sexually?
  • ...and work better as a team?

Couples Therapy Inc. is a place to make that happen. It is convenient couples therapy that really changes things around. Couples Therapists who are passionate, and know exactly what they are doing.This is effective evidence-based therapy. Health Insurance Companies will tell you that 1 hour 20 minute treatment doesn't fit into their corporate financial model of "quality care."Our clients don't care. They wanted the best. They don't want to fund a divorce attorney's retainer. They value being married. And they demand expert help to protect that bond.

First, Tell Us Your Story. Then We Can Help You.

You each have a story to tell. That story deserves our time and attention. We want to hear you out.Give us 5 hours of your time for us to do an assessment. That's what it takes for us to apply the latest scientific findings about relationship on how lovers succeed or fail. Then, let us provide you a very thorough answer to what's wrong, and how we can help you fix it.When we're finished, you’ll have a detailed road map, a “State of the Union,” you can use to change things around.We're up-to-date on the latest research on relationships, marriages and intimate bonding. That's all we do. We apply these findings from attachment, individual happiness, and brain science to target the perfect interventions to help you. And we've selected remarkable clinicians from across the world. Right here. Right now. Couples Therapy Specialists. As close as your laptop.

"All Purpose Therapists" Jump Right in and Offer Suggestions.

That's a mistake.Instead, we offer you a chance to take a very careful look at your relationship first. You'll be asked to reflect on it, and allow us to learn more from each of you, before we offer a single intervention. Why? Because we want you both on the same page. Working for the right solution. We offer you: Care. Attention. Understanding. These are our watchwords at Couples Therapy Inc. Tell me morecreated a place where it was convenient to get couples therapy that would really change things around. And I hired Couples Therapists who were passionate, and knew exactly what they were doing.We work with clients who preferred effective evidence-based therapy. Health Insurance Companies will tell you that it doesn't fit into their corporate financial model of "quality care." Our clients don't care. They still wanted the best. They don't want to fund a divorce attorney's retainer. They value being married. And they demand an expert to protect that bond.

Couples Therapy Done the Right Way.

You won't find "All Purpose Therapists" at Couples Therapy Inc.These people, are what I call "fanatics." They believe in relationships and they believe in the power of healing marriages. They have spent literally thousands of dollars training on their own dime for a profession they want to practice.Surprisingly few qualified couples therapists are out there.Any couple who has sat in an "uh huh, uh huh" therapy session, having no idea where any of this is going, or what the therapist is hoping to accomplish, can be certain they aren't working with a trained couples therapist.And an interesting culture is developing at Couples Therapy Inc: We are attracting excellent couples therapists, with thriving practices, who want to be a part of something much larger than themselves. They are excited about working online, in couples retreats, and with international clients and therapists. It is a very exciting time for our organization.Right now, I'm in the Berkshires of Western Massachusetts. We have Couples Therapists in There are a few more in the works, as well. And these clinicians aren't just good, these clinicians are EXCELLENT. Many are bilingual. Almost all have lived internationally. And they have a passion for working with couples.My dream is coming true.

"We have seen numerous therapist over the last three years and Angela by far exceeded all of our expectations..."

Clinical Interns

And the team was so fabulous, and I'm not bragging here (...okay, yes, I am.) that I wanted to train a few outstanding graduate students. We also knew not everyone could AFFORD a highly-trained couples therapist, so these Interns charge less but are still well supervised by us. My husband, Daniel Dasnaw, M.S. was in graduate school and relieved me of a dilemma by turning out to be a remarkable Couples Therapist. He was the first Clinical Intern with us, (and no, I don't supervise him, thank you very much...).When I metJenny Fang, M.S., she was so excited she couldn't speak! (and she speaks four languages...)Why were these therapists so excited to join Couples Therapy Inc?

Because all of my Clinicians and Interns share one focused obsession: They are passionate about Couples Therapy. You see, some therapists work with anyone and everybody. They're what we call: "All Purpose Therapists."

Insurance companies demand the generalist, so they can have fewer people on their panels. That's not us. Our clinicians are experts in the field of couples therapy, not just good clinicians. And as I've told you in the video above, only a small percentage of counselors have formal training in couples counseling. Our team are all trained experts in at least one science-based approach to helping couples. They must have experience with two models before we call them: "Associates."

If you've got the world to pick from, you'll find some pretty special couples therapists.So take my advice:If you want expert relationship help, go to a relationship expert.

Many Languages

We have multilingual clinicians,too. These Couples Therapists can work with you in English, Spanish, French, German, Mandarin, Japanese, and Italian. We’re raising the bar. (and continuing to hire…).Meet the entire team…

Our Clients, Our Approach

Our clients are busy people.

They don't have time (or live too far away) to travel to weekly couples therapy sessions. We had to come up with a way to serve them better.

As the best in class, we had to do it our own way. We've mixed it up. Tossed out what’s out-of-date. We held onto what works. That’s just what we’ve done, by offering two innovative ways to deliver services to our clients who have too little time (or live too far away for...) more traditional ways of doing therapy: Online and through an Intensive Couples Retreat format.

Both services are “evidence-based,” in their approach to assessment. They offer fast, easy, convenient ways for both of you to become happier together. What’s “evidence-based treatment? It means: “proven effective.”

Assessment.

It's what we're known for, at Couples Therapy Inc.

A thorough understanding of your relationship dynamics, and the way each of you work, before we offer a single intervention. One of our couples coined it "The BIG BIG Book," and it stuck. It's the reason why one of our intensive clients recently said of her couples therapist: She absolutely knew us when we got there and often referred to our history."

You'll have a lot to say when you write in The BIG BIG Book. And we'll learn a lot, before we greet you for the first time. It's big, there's no getting around it. And these diagnostic instruments in The BIG BIG Book have as much as 50 years of research behind them.

Here's the scoop...

Relax again.Supporting Each Other...Relax and Reconnect

After all, it's called a "Marriage RETREAT." Many of our couples come to our couples retreat to give it “one Last Shot.” Some have even consulted a divorce attorney. They are looking for dramatic change in a short amount of time: Hoping that they haven’t wasted their lives in these marriages. With rare exceptions, our Intensive Couples Retreats stabilize, revitalize, and heal old wounds (and more recent ones), so our couples can get on with the business of living and loving again...Minutes to work on saving your emotional.

Our Clients Relationship Challenges

Business Owners/Managers

AffairsEntrepreneurs/

EngineersMulti-Cultural CouplesJealousyInternational TeachersLast Shot" (Divorce) HelpSexual Issues“No other single force is causing as much measurable hardship in this country as the collapse of marriage.” – Time Magazine, 7/13/09Marriage Impacts Everything

Millionaires, by and large, have had three huge financial setbacks before they made their millions... and one spouse the entire time. Getting help at the right time not only makes good emotional sense, but financial sense too.

Scrub the Hype

The media paints a rosy picture for kids when it comes to divorce. The facts are a bit more sobering. While they happily announce that kids “recover” from the impacts of divorce within two years, that’s still a long time in a child’s life. What they don’t mention is the long-term impact of divorce on your child’s future divorce potential, particularly for daughters.

Commit to Behaving Differently.

It is one thing to point out the flaws of your mate, another to recognize we’re not perfect either. The benefit of good couples therapy is that it forces everyone to grow, not just the relationship. People start to their lives in many ways…get treated for depression, change jobs, and impact aspects of their lives that have grown stagnant. Change. Pass it on.

Incredible Sex

Better sex doesn’t mean more orgasms. It means you're having a different relationship. That's what motivates you to do the other stuff: Looking into each other’s eyes. Holding hands. Kissing. Wanting each other more. And what happens from there, physically, we can help you with too. At Couples Therapy Inc. we have trained doctoral-level sex therapists on staff ready and waiting.or in a Couples Retreat" or in a Couples Retreat

If you choose to attend a retreat, we include two full follow-up sessions online as well, at NO ADDITIONAL CHARGE. An Intensive Retreat or Online work? Many clients combine them. They finish their assessment online, to allow the entire retreat to be spent on couples therapy.PRO TIP: Oh and by the way, if you do have to wait to be seen, get the most out of couples therapy: check out our Knowledge Base Page and read books on evidence-based treatment models. Our Blog also has lots of great articles about couples. We add items to our blog regularly. Check back! Be familiar with the concepts. It will speed up your retention and skill-building when in session."We'd love to hear from you."Drop us a Line!Now is the time! Pick up your copy of the Definitive Guide to Couples Retreats, right here on this website.