They Don't Lead
"We saw two counselors before you. We'd get angry and start fighting, right in the office, and they'd just sit there. It got ugly fast."
They Take Sides
"After one joint session, she asked to meet with me alone. She told me he was just like her ex-husband and I should divorce him..."
They Avoid the Topic of Sex
"Intimacy? No, that never came up. I wish that it did, because we have real problems in that area. We haven't been close in a while."
"If that's true, then why aren't more marriage counselors helpful?"
Direct clinical experience with couples is not required anywhere for licensure as a mental health professional, even for licensure as a marriage and family therapist.
A. Gurman & M. Burton (2014). Journal of Marriage & Family Therapy
Insurance companies don't pay for couples therapy, so public agencies can't bill for it. Without financial support, trainees just can't get the experience they need to become skilled couples therapists.
Insurance pays therapists to treat individuals with mental illness for 45- minute sessions. While these insurance corporations don't reimburse for couples therapy, if a therapist does see couples, it is within that limited time frame.
1 person = 45 minute sessions.
2 people = _ ?
Research says 80-90 minutes.
...most therapists learn couples therapy after they get licensed, through workshops and by trial and error. Most have never had anyone observe or critique their couples work.
Putting Family First, 2002, p. 26
I go through hundreds of websites and resumes on an ongoing bases looking for qualified couples therapists. Most of them believe they skilled enough to do it. A thimble-full actually are. 'Certified' means that someone actually watched you do it and said: 'They know what they are doing...'"
Gottman Certified Couples Therapist
Board Certified Sex Therapist
We were on the brink of divorce...My husband thought we couldn't possibly benefit from just three days ..." More
Yes, we tried counseling before and it was a miserable waste of time... It seemed to do more damage than anything. ...
Dr. Smithey's approach was refreshing...This couples intensive has given us hope that we never had and tools to help us toward a better, happier future.
Thank you for this needed service."
"We were legally separated and had filed for divorce and living in separate residences..." (more)
We tried couples therapy several years ago, but it was not successful. Not knowing if therapy would truly help us at the stage we were in - in our marriage, we were reluctant. The core issue of our marriage was discovered and we were able to shed light on it and are now able to approach the issue together. Us against the issue.
Daniel approached things head on (with care) - in a way we both could understand and there was no room for doubt on what the issue was and how we need to overcome it. He made us feel comfortable and left us with the feeling of truly being able to take on whatever comes our way.
"Nancy, you've been instrumental in helping us develop new patterns of communication and engagement. We are very, very grateful." ~ Couples Retreat Participant, Europe.
Thank you for all the great advice, clarity and training you gave me. To me, it has been worth every cent..." ... - Online International Client (more)
I love you, I'm just not in love with you..."
They're as invested in being successful in love, as they are in excelling in their businesses, careers, education, or changing the world. They hold themselves and others to high professional standards. And they do their research.
We know that not everyone is appropriate for this time-limited, easy-access approach. That's why we offer a no-charge consultation.